


A Path We'll Carve

by SolarMaga



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Merlin, Consensual Sex, Consent Issues, Cute mordred, Eavesdropping, Ecouteurism, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hero Worship, M/M, Masturbation, Merdred just /really/ love Merlin, Merlin has to figure out how he feels, Pinning Mordred, Power Dynamics, Soft Mordred, and lot of hero worship actually, more tags to come, slight Ecouteurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2019-06-13 13:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15365988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolarMaga/pseuds/SolarMaga
Summary: Mordred loves Merlin, he also has a gift for speaking Mind-to-Mind even when he doesn't mean to. Like when he's alone, at night, thinking about the older man. Knowing what he does Merlin still can't see Mordred killing Arthur and if 'The future had many paths' well Merlin's just going to burn down the forest till he finds one he likes. A Merdred story with some Ecouteurism





	1. Casual Ecouteurism

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so first off, yes they bone, and by they I mean Merlin and Mordred. Also, yes Mordred is jerking it while he thinks about Merlin. So yeah sex happens. Moving one!
> 
> I first posted this on Fanfics, also haven't touched any of my works in like, over six months but I've been meaning to move my current works over to here. I still remember tho how thing one took a lot to get started mostly because I kept making the story way more complex than it had to be. Hell, at one point this was just going to be a one-shot but I just kept writing and writing. I'm still pretty sure that it's more complex that needs to it then there needs to be considered half the plot is Merlin and Mordred either fooling around or boning. It starts out kinda canon but everything after 5.5 changes so just a heads up. At this point I would like to put in the obligatory:
> 
> Disclaimer: This is fan-fiction, I own nothing, I make no money off of this
> 
> That said! Let's move on to the feature presentation, enjoy 3

The first time _it_ happened was just four days after Mordred had been knighted. I _had_ been fast asleep, blissfully cut off from the world, just drifting not even dreaming when an almost annoyingly familiar voice woke me sometime nearing moon rise.

" _Merlin. . . ._ " The druid's voice was soft, barely whispering in my mind as it pulled me to the waking world.

I ignored him.

" _Merlin,_ " I was fully awake now and had no intention of speaking to the druid. So I ignored him.

" _Merlin,_ "

Grinding my teeth I refused to answer.

" _Merlin,_ " It was then that I noticed the almost breathy tone of Mordred's words.

Then it hit me.

" _Merlin,_ "

Mordred wasn't actually  _trying_  to talk to me! The boy after all had always had a gift for speaking mind-to-mind. I knew that well, _very_ well given how I'd first met Mordred when he was a boy. Besides, Mordred wouldn't waste a chance to call me Emrys, no matter how often I asked to be called 'Merlin' he refused to do so in private so why start now?

I could only come up with one reason.

" _Merlin,_ " Came the half moaned voice of Arthur's future killer echoing inside my head.

Even alone, and innocently laying in bed, not doing anything I felt my face flush with embarrassment. Cursing the druid boy I rolled over and thought about stuffing my head under my pillow. Not that a pillow would actually help, so I didn't. I just did my best to fall back asleep, ignoring Mordred as he continued to call my name and try even harder to ignore the twitching feeling in my lower half.

This could become a bit of a mess.

 

* * *

 

The next day - _while I was five minutes away from needing a stick with which to beat away my own embarrassment_ \- Mordred acted as if nothing had happened. He acted as if he hadn't spent at least 30 minutes repeating my name until I almost wished he go back to calling me Emrys.

_That was a disturbing thought._

Still, Mordred smiled innocently, laughed politely, and just generally went about his day as normally as ever.

We only spoke once, down by the training field. The day was warm, the sun high in a cloudless blue sky as knights in full chainmail stomped about in the dirt beating each other senseless with blunted training swords. During a break, Mordred came up to me making pointless small talk. It was only because I watched him so closely that I noticed his already flushed cheeks darken a few shades redder. Even as I tried to argue all the possible reasons why only one made sense and it _wasn't_ the heat.

"At this rate, you'll be the best swordsman in Camelot within a fortnight," I told Mordred trying to sound like I wasn't waiting for him to betray Arthur.

From the slight reddening of Mordred cheeks, I must have gotten the tone right.

"HEY!" We both ignored Gwaine who was pulling a face of mock hurt.

The druid looked away, "You are too kind," He was almost mumbling and it was almost cute. You know, if the boy  **hadn't**  been destined to kill Arthur.

"I'll have you both know that  _I'm_  the best swordsman in Camelot," Gwaine cut in, he'd been leaning on the fence a few feet from us.

"I'll believe that Gwaine, when I actually see you sword fight over something other than ale." I said giving Gwaine a brilliant smile.

The other man just laughed and took another drink from his water skin and started joking about 'This one time', it was always a story with Gwaine. He told good stories too. This one was cut short though when Arthur came to drag his knight back to training. The Royal Prat yelling at  _me_ for distracting  _them_ as much as he was yelling at them for  _being_ distracted.

 

* * *

 

That night Mordred was calling my name again. Sounding quite happy actually and I caught myself thinking of what I could do tomorrow to hear this voice again.

I had to stuff my head under the pillow then.

It was a very strange moment, going over every warning and vision I'd ever been given about Mordred, while the druid was mentally moaning my name. Confusing would be an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY! Finally getting to work on moving this over, if you don't want to wait I have like over 24,000 words of this already posted here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12305255/1/A-Path-We-ll-Carve but I'm also updating the story a bit for AO3 so you can wait too, up to you. Hope you guys like this train wreck


	2. Favor of the Week: Embarrassment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little something short and sweet-ish. Hope you guys get second-hand embarrassment <3

Once again Mordred gave no hint as to just what the boy did alone in his room in the dark of night. Even looking for any hint, any tip as to  _why_  Mordred would think about  _me_  in such a way. I was hard-pressed to see it. Since we'd met again in Ismere I'd made no effort to hide my distrust of Mordred. I had never been shy when it came to letting Mordred know that I trusted the boy about as far as I could throw his horse. . . .  _without magic_. Not once had I made any attempt to welcome him with open arms, I never went out of my to invite him into Arthur's inner circle as the others did. In fact, I went out of my way to let him know that I  _was_ watching, waiting for him to mess up and show his true loyalties. And yet here the boy was. I could only assume that he didn't realize he was reaching out to me as he did. . . . whatever it was that he was doing.

Before I knew it almost a fortnight had passed.

The knights trained, Arthur went on hunts and patrols - _both of which he dragged me on as well_ \- the ghost of Uther was released upon the castle, oh and then there was that whole mess with King Rodor, Princess Mithian, Morgana, and Morgana's newest ally. So really it was all ' _Just Another Day_ ' in Camelot. Did I mention how much I hate job? Because I do. I really do.

Throughout all of that Mordred never tried to get any closer to me but his near nightly actives spoke volumes. It probably didn't help that I watched him like a hawk for any sign of pending betrayal or hints of an alliance with Morgana.

It was late, near the witching hour or later, when Mordred once again woke me up. If he'd been near enough I might have gotten up just to punch the kid. Really I mean sure Mordred was what, 16? Still, this was almost every night now. It was  _late_ , I'd just gotten back with Arthur and the knights from all the trouble with Mithian, I just wanted to sleep. All I wanted was to lay down, unconscious and undisturbed for at least a few hours and impersonate the dead. Was that really too much to ask for?

And here Mordred is going " _Merlin, Merlin,_ oh Mer _lin,_ " The boy was getting surprisingly vocal tonight it was almost as endearing as it was annoying.

Sure I'd taken the time to  _enjoy_  it now and then, after all, if Mordred was going to keep me up what else could I do? Even if I couldn't trust the boy even I had to admit, he  _was_ fit. But tonight really wasn't a good time. It was  _late_ , I was  _tired_ , and Mordred was being bloody loud this time!

So for once, I  _didn't_  ignore him.

" _Yes, Mordred?_ " I asked sweetly in my mind.

He didn't make a peep for about a week.

 

* * *

 

The morning after I had mentally spoken to Mordred in the night was awkward for us both. Mostly because of Mordred. I was planning to do like always: Ignore it and pretend it had never happened. I had  _quite_ a bit of practice at it by now.

Mordred didn't seem to be on the same page as he couldn't look at me without blushing and the one time he  _did_  look me in the eyes had the poor boy making an almost strangled sound before he actually turned on his heel and flat out _ran **away**_. I thanked every god I'd ever even hear about what we'd been alone at the time. The _last_ thing I wanted was whatever kind of teasing any of the knights would come up with for  _that_  one.

Especially Gwaine.

 _Especially Arthur_.


	3. Just Can't Ignore

I knew it couldn't last though; the quiet, lonely, uninterrupted nights of almost restful sleep. Of _course_ it wouldn't last. Mordred must like me. That or he hates me and this is some new form of sleep-depriving torture. Though I try not to overthink the 'why' of what it seemed Mordred doing at night well we all know I overthought it at least 50 different times a day.

" _Merlin,_ " Came the druid's mental calling.

Disgusted with myself I realized I'd actually come to miss this. I also realized that I'd admit - _to Uther_ \- that I'd been using magic for years before I'd admit to  _any_  of this. Whatever the hell _this_ was. Gods life was just getting more and more confusing the more Mordred became involved. Somehow though I wasn't sure I wanted my life 'uncomplicated' if it meant Mordred not being in it. That was a whole other mess best left for the morning though that I happily ignored in favour of listening to Mordred.

" _Merlin,_ " The sound was tempting and arousing and I was already mostly hard. It wasn't that unusual, after all, Mordred  _was_  attractive, what with his thick, fluffy, dark hair, pale blue eyes, strong jawline. The boy even had an innocent about him when he was anything but. Trust me I should know by now. It was a large plus to know he at least found me attractive too. A very large very arousing plus.

I reached down to my own hard aching cock.

" _Merlin,_ "

Now I couldn't remember the first time I'd . . . . what?  _Joined in_? I guess that's what I was doing after all. Mentally connected by the sound of Mordred's voice as he repeated my name, thinking about me, as - _I can only assume_ \- touched himself as well.

" _Merlin,_ "

Grinding my teeth I did my best not to think in actual words or at least not direct any words to Mordred. If he found out about this I didn't know what I'd do. After all, masturbation aside Mordred was still prophesied to kill the King.

" _Merlin,_ " Gods Mordred's voice was sexy when he sounded that breathless. Which seemed strange as I was only hearing him in my mind.

I pushed aside any and all thoughts beyond how hot Mordred and how sexy his voice was as I just tried to enjoy myself. I was a little ashamed by how easy it was.

 

* * *

 

The next day I was tense watching the knights train, particularly when Arthur and Mordred fought. Mostly because Mordred was close to winning. I was at war with myself, Mordred was nice, sweet even, a great swordsman, calm, modest, polite, overall Mordred was a very likeable boy. That was the problem though, I liked Mordred. Still, how could I ignore prophecy? Every time I ignored the great dragon something awful happened. Then again almost every time I listened to the dragon things seemed to turn out in a mess anyway. Maybe it was me? Maybe I was just as clumsy with destiny and prophecy as I was on my own to feet. It would seem to explain a lot. Or,  _maybe_ , it was more than just that though? Maybe everything was just always going to be a mess no matter what I did because  _everyone_ was wrong, and I wasn't Emrys no matter who said what. Arthur was going to die because somehow everyone kept mistaking me for Emrys. Maybe I needed to stop thinking too much before I gave myself a panic attack.

The rest of the day I did my work, parroted every good thing about Mordred I'd argued to myself, I ignored Mordred, I felt wooden. Everything I'd done or said I'd done a hundred time before or I'd gone over with myself at least a dozen times before.

Yes, Mordred was a fine knight, yes, he was ready, yes, he was a likeable boy. Sure, Mordred was nothing but kind and loyal to the King and, yes, Mordred had had plenty of chances to do Arthur harm but didn't. Yes, it would seem Mordred was _almost_ as perfect a knight as Lancelot. But only  _almost_. No one else could quite measure up to Lancelot because Lancelot  _was_ the perfect knight.

Wait, stop, don't think about Lance. That's another mess best avoided.

"I can't ignore what I saw Gaius," somehow I always seemed to loop back to this.

I was helping clean up, I'd just finished with herbs and was now putting books and what not away. Just a little thankful I didn't have to look right at Gaius in the eyes. The old man knew too much and could pick up what he didn't from just looking at a person.

"Mordred is destined to play a part in Arthur's death."

"Perhaps, perhaps not, the future has many paths, that is only one. Have you ever seen him show anything but kindness towards Arthur?" I glossed over the rest of Gaius' argument, I'd told myself much the same stuff anyways. "He's a likeable boy Merlin."

"I like him myself," I readily admitted. "But I can't ignore what I saw." And therein lies the problem didn't it?

I  _couldn't_  ignore what I saw. I just couldn't.


	4. Decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now for something longer, this is also the point where canon mostly goes flying out the window via trebuchet because I had some problems with the episode in question

Then Arthur had to run off after some stupid sorcerer and really, he was going to get himself killed one of these days. He was going to get himself killed even sooner  if he didn't take the Disir seriously. First, that stupid prat ignored _everything_ I said, even when I not so subtly hinted that the sorcerer could have easily killed him. Of _course,_ Arthur glossed right over that.

Then the rune mark.

Arthur ignored me then he brushed off Gaius and his warnings to take the rune mark seriously! It was starting to look like I served one of the  _stupidest_  Kings ever.

It had been a very long day and I just wanted to go to sleep so when I ran into Mordred on my way to the chambers I shared with Gaius I stopped the boy.

"Mordred," I called as he walked past.

It was obvious that I'd surprised him, Mordred stopped so quickly I was half expecting him to trip; I would have.

Mordred glanced up and down the castle hall, even with the shadows cast by the flickering and dancing torchlight the pale stone walls left very little in the way of hiding places. It was safe to say that we were alone. "Emrys," his greeting was quiet, soft, and much too respectful for a simple servant. "What can I do for you?"

Well, now I was feeling awkward. "Just, make sure you get some  _rest_ ," I told him, patting Mordred on the shoulder. Trying to hint at something but not actually wanting Mordred to know that I knew what he did at night. "Probably best to go right to sleep tonight."

Gods, why did I open my big mouth?

Mordred's reaction though was funny as all hell. Suddenly the druid was bright red, he couldn't look at me, and Mordred was inching along as if he couldn't leave fast enough.

"It's been quite a trip and if I'm right we'll be leaving again soon."

Opening his mouth slightly Mordred snapped it shut again, nodded and all but ran from me. I, on the other hand, realized I really needed to talk to Kilgharrah. After Mordred left I turned and made to sneak out of the castle, time to call on a dragon before bed I thought with a loud groan.

I was really starting to feel like I'd only get a good night's sleep after I died.

 

* * *

 

 

My little chat with Kilgharrah had the opposite effect I'd been hoping for. Although I didn't exactly know  _what_  I'd been hoping for. First, he says there are many paths, that Arthur and Mordred's fates are bound, and then there was that whole bit about cutting the ivy. What was it with Dragons and riddles? Or maybe it was just Kilgharrah? Hard to say, I'd only really properly talked to  _one_ dragon.

But, if there are many paths couldn't one lead to a future where the  _three_  of use - _Arthur, Mordred, and I (Merlin)_ \- could work  _together_  to bring back magic?

"Ugh," I growled to myself rolling over to get what little sleep I could after having met with the dragon.

My head was too full of thoughts. Talking with Kilgharrah felt like a mistake if anything I was just thinking  _more._ He'd only spoken in riddles and hadn't helped at all but then, when was Kilgharrah  _ever_ outright helpful? It didn't help that my bed was both too hard and simultaneously too lumpy. No matter how I thrashed and rolled and adjusted I just couldn't get comfortable. I was too hot and threw off my sheets, then I was too cold and pulled the thin sheets back up over my shoulders and no matter how I would lay down I just couldn't get comfortable and kept thinking about everything Kilgharrah had said and everything I'd been told and how  _none_ of it felt like it fit the Mordred I'd seen. 

I had just rolled over and closed my eyes, forcing myself to stay still long enough that I could  _feel_ myself falling asleep when I was loudly - _and rudely_ \- awoken by someone, most likely Arthur, knocking on the door. I really would have to die to get a good night's sleep at this rate.

 

* * *

 

Since Mordred became a knight things, for me at least, had become confusing. It looked like that wasn't going to change anytime soon as here was Arthur, Arthur Pendragon, King I'm-A-Prat-Arthur Pendragon of Magic-Is-Evil Camelot. Arthur was asking me what I thought about all of this. Arthur was asking  _me_  if Camelot was ready for  _magic_.

I wanted to say  _yes;_  I wanted it  **so _badly_**. But it wasn't that simple. The question was more than just magic or no magic. There was Mordred too. Mordred's life hung in the balance and the wrong answer would mean his death.

It didn't surprise me as much as it should have to realize I couldn't wish for Mordred's death. Not honestly, not like I should - _if you believed Kilgharrah._

I liked the boy after all and that was the problem after all.

Some small part of me liked Mordred and yet it seemed as if he were meant to bring about the death of Arthur.

But it was the Dragon that had said ' _There are many paths._ ' Even Gaius had said ' _The future has many paths_.' But damn it! How could I know what one was right? What path did Arthur and I walk now? What fork would take us down the right path? How could I know? How could I figure it out?

Keeping my eyes trained on the fire I turned over all Arthur had said.

"You must protect Camelot and you must protect the world you have spent your life building," I said telling myself more than Arthur. Camelot; that was the end goal here wasn't? Protect Arthur to protect Camelot. I couldn't do that if Mordred lived only to kill Arthur down the road but still, I couldn't kill Mordred. "A just a fair kingdom,  _for all_." I added, not sure if that ' _for all_ ' included people with magic but I wanted too.

"You'd have me sacrifice a friend." It wasn't a question.

" _No,"_ was my first thought. "I would have you become the King you are destined to be." I was really just avoiding giving Arthur an outright answer at this point because I didn't have an answer.

It would be  _easy_  to just let Mordred die, but, as I watched the fire it wasn't that simple. If Arthur refused magic Mordred would surely have to kill him, thus Mordred couldn't die. If Arthur did bring back magic Mordred was no longer needed, he could die, but then Arthur would consider it a betrayal and perhaps his heart would only harden against magic even more.

Watching the fire I could almost see future after future playing out Mordred dies, Arthur hates magic, Failure. Mordred lives, he kills Arthur, Failure. Arthur holds the Disir at sword points and demands they save Mordred, the Disir kill Arthur, Failure. I come clean about my magic to Arthur and show that not all magic is as evil as he thinks, Arthur feels betrayed and kills me, Failure. Maybe I'ms just fatalistic?

Arthur sits up, looking almost annoyed, how long was I thinking? "If I do save Mordred all my father's work will be for nothing, sorcery will reign once more in Camelot. Is that what you want?"

I almost said that ' _Yes I want magic back but I want you to reign, not sorcery_ '. But then it starts dawning, sorcery doesn't have to rule, Arthur just needs to stop killing everyone with magic and read a book or two.

"Perhaps my father was wrong, perhaps the old ways aren't as evil as we thought. So what should we do? Should we-"

"-Compromise." I cut Arthur off.

His eyebrows rise, he looks almost as surprised as he does confused.

"Stop killing everyone with magic, write new laws that will control what can and can't be done with magic. Tell them that if they want you to learn the old religion you already have a teacher." I explain, the more I say the better it sounds. Maybe I can do this, maybe I can help shape a Camelot where magic is allowed and no one has to die. Well maybe Morgana, but only because I'm fairly sure she's so far gone by now. Too far gone.

"And who's going to teach me, Merlin? You?" Ahh, Arthur ever the prat. He never disappoints, does he?

"No Arthur, Mordred. He's a druid, after all, I'm sure he knows more about it than anyone else in Camelot, who better to teach the King than one of his own knights?"

Arthur actually thinks about it, seriously thinks about it. "I can't. . . . that's actually. . . .That's not a half bad idea."

"You could sound a little less surprised you know."

The great stupid blond prat just smiled as he stood. "Come on then, the sooner we talk to the Disir the sooner we can get home and I can add some lessons to the royal schedule." Arthur actually sounded happy about that, but I knew he wouldn't be once we actually got back and it was time to take those lessons and rewrite all those old laws.

Once more Arthur left his sword outside, once more we walked carefully through the cave and one more he greeted the Disir with respect.

"I have come to a decision," The King began, his voice taking on that 'Royal Tone' he used when taking part in serious king business. I actually liked that tone of voice when Arthur used it. It sounded, to me, like a brighter future than a younger me could ever even  _hope_ to dream of. "I can not allow magic to run free and unchecked through Camelot-"

The Disir were already hissing ready to condemn the King but Arthur just raised his hand calmly.

"-But," He cut them off, waiting till the three calmed as well. It was impressive how polite Arthur was but then again, he was King for a reason. "But I am willing to make some much-needed changes. It will take time, laws will have to rewritten and new laws made. I will no longer consider magic in and of itself a crime but the use of magic for evil  _will_  have to be punished like any other crime. While I am willing to make the changes to allow magic to be learned, practised, and studied but I will not let it run free as it has in the past."

"And the old religion?" The foremost of the Disir spoke, so far the women were nodding seemingly pleased with Arthur and his plans.

"If you save Mordred I will have a teacher to help me. The man was first a druid before a he became a knight. With his help, I will learn of the old religion and your goddess."

More nodding. "It is done then Arthur Pendragon, the Goddess has heard you and if you truly mean all you have said then you will find her answer when you return."

Formal goodbyes were given then and we left.

I still didn't know if I should be happy or not when we returned to find Mordred had in fact woken. According to Gaius Mordred just woke up, perfectly fine if a little confused as the last the druid could recall we'd all been in the cave.

Although, when Arthur explained Mordred's new duties as a teacher of religion to a king, I decided on happy. How could I not, when looking at Mordred's bright, excited face. This all by no means meant I was about to reveal my magic to Arthur but it sure felt like a step in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, these chapters were pretty short, sorry for that, but hey, this time I just threw two of them together for a larger chapter. This is also now throwing of the chapter numbers between here and Fanfics.net but oh well. I do what I want.
> 
> Anyways, like I said at the start of this chapter I had some problems with the Disir episode. I felt like a lot could have been avoided just by compromise. Mordred could have been saved easily if everyone just calmed their shit and openly talked about things I feel like things could have gone a lot smoother but this is one area where I always thought things could have been handled better. The choice didn't have to be magic or no magic. But that's what the writers did and I don't agree but hey, that's why we have 'fix it' fanfiction right?


	5. Knights and Politics

I don't know what I expected, maybe a bath, some actual sleep. But no, this was Arthur, the man didn't really do breaks, he just _did_.

So, here we are, riding up to Camelot after having spent days on the road, a full night just talking over the choice Arthur had been given, and that great royal prat was calling a meeting of his all his knights. Really, Arthur had two settings, sleeping and going and there was no in between, no slowing down, no breaks. Even Arthur looked half as tired as I felt and the man is yelling out orders, greeting Gwen and Mordred at the foot of the castle steps, and telling me to get a bath going.

' _Maybe I should let Mordred kill him,_ ' I thought venomously.

Still within an hour the King and all his knights sat at the round table in the council chamber, even Mordred and I were there though I stood behind the king.

" _Emrys_?" Mordred asked, he still looked a little worse for wear, almost ready to just pass out in his seat, but the druid had proven himself sturdy. I would also be willing to bet that as the youngest knight Mordred really didn't want to lose face. " _What happened with the Disir?_ "

" _So nosy_ ," I thought back, though I must admit that came out ruder than I'd meant it too. Especially since Mordred's cheeks flushed and his jaw clenched. Mordred didn't exactly flinch, it was more of a twitch I'd say. " _I can't take all of our King's thunder, but I do think you'll like this_." I thought back, trying for something softer, less hostile. Somehow I just couldn't be as hostile to Merdred as I had been at first. Probably because of. . . .  _things_. . . . that I'd. . . . heard.

Either way, most of the knights were here now, the last few just arriving. The King was seated already, at some arbitrary unofficial 'head' of the round table, waiting for his knights to settle. ut only really counted at the head because the wall hangings behind Arthur added some slight air of authority to his seat. It wasn't much, and Arthur always looked a bit annoyed by them, they sort of, almost attempted undermined the whole point of the roundtable. But they also fell a bit flat. The table was after all in the centre of the room. Any of the few chairs to Arthur's left or right could easily be used to the same effect. Even not knowing what would be said the whole atmosphere seemed awfully relaxed considering Arthur was about to explain that knight couldn't go around chopping up every magic user and cutting them all down to size anymore.

" _What? Why_?" Came the almost excited reply from Mordred.

I had to purse my lips to keep from smiling, who knew calm collected Mordred could be such an excited little boy. " _Can't you wait, Arthur's going to explain it all soon enough._ "

If I didn't spend so much time watch Mordred I'd almost think him calm, but to me the boy almost looked like he was bouncing in his seat. It was much too easy to like him now that I come up with the idea to make him Arthur's biggest ally in returning magic to Camelot.

That is what Mordred had always wanted right? The return of magic.

If this worked out the way I'd hoped it would then there would never be any reason for Mordred to kill Arthur. If this worked out we three would have to work to together. If this worked Mordred and I could be friends, maybe even _more_ than friends.

" _Emrys!_ " Begged the druid.

Hiding my laugh in a cough and my smile in a fist earned me a dirty look from Arthur.

" _Sorry,_ " came Mordred's apologetic voice tickling the back of my mind.

" _See that? You're going to get me in trouble!_ "

At least a man like Mordred had the decency to look slightly shamed.

" _I'm sorry Emrys,_ "

" _Not as sorry as you're about to be,_ " I promised cockily. There was still a low hum of chatter in the air, chairs moving, rustling of cloth, the sounds of chainmail shifting, each move of every knight was accompanied by sound. Not that they could help it. Almost all of them were dressed in at least half their armour, a good most of them had on the full chainmail that a knight on duty always wore. 

Raised eyebrows Mordred looked at me, " _I thought you said I'd like this,_ " he asked suspiciously and rightly so. 

" _Well you'll like part of it_ ," I began to explain as Arthur called for all the knights to sit down at last.

It was suddenly very quiet, apparently Mordred wasn't the only knight burning with curiosity. Arthur still gave a moment for a very dramatic pause.

"I have been to the Disir, spoken with them, and heard what they have to say." There was a slight murmur at that, most if not all of the knights had heard what happened when Mordred was hurt by now. "I have long said that Camelot is meant to be a fair and just kingdom for all, I have meant it. Though it saddens me to admit this: I failed in that. Camelot had not become a fair and just kingdom for all. It is fair and just for most but not all, and I would see that change."

Pause for more hushed whispers.

"I know this will mean changes, changes that not all of you will agree with. That is why I tell you, my knights, first. If Camelot is to change for the better I will need all of your help." Arthur spoke loud and clear meeting the eyes of each of his knights.

"What would you have of us?" Leon asked as one of the most senior and well respected of Arthur's knights.

With a deep breath Arthur spoke, his tone left no room for argument. "I will remove the ban on magic."

The reaction was explosive.

Everything from excitement to rage to confusion.

Mordred himself looked as if this were too good to be true. " _Is he-?_ "

I cut him off. " _Yes, magic will soon no longer be outlawed._ "

" _Why?_ " Mordred asked sounded a bit dazed and awed.

" _It was the price, for you life_." Understandably Mordred looked confused. " _To save you Arthur had to agree to welcome magic back into Camelot_." I explained.

" _But_ -"

" _-Shhhh, Arthur will explain, and we can alway talk more later._ "

Arthur, on the other hand, was shouting one of his younger knights - _brash, bold, foolish young man, filled to the brim with dreams called Erikson_ \- down. "I am the King!" Arthur was yelling at the younger man.

Both were standing and several argument had broken out around the table.

"You are a fool! Magic is evil Pure Evil!" Erikson was shouting back from across the table.

Well this was officially a bigger mess than I'd ever expected. I don't know why I  _didn't_ expect this though. Probably because Arthur hadn't let me sit down long enough  _to_ expect anything yet.

Gwaine stood up and laid Erikson out for that with a single punch. The younger Knight was sent sprawling across the floor from the blow, taking his chair down with him as he was knocked on his flat on his ass. Then everything erupted and all around the table knights were fighting. It was as if it got easier for the rest of them now that they could all say Gwaine threw the first punch. You'd think trained knights would be able to talk like civilized men. Maybe they needed more lessons on manner and less on fighting?

Arthur sent me a ' _Get Gwen_ ' look before he joined in pulling a knight off Leon only to get elbowed in the face. Yup, this was a much bigger mess than I'd expected, probably bigger than I _could_ have expected even given a proper chance to sit down.

" _Watch Arthur's back!_ " I demanded of Mordred silently as I slipped quickly from the chamber.

I had only to run down a hall and round a corner before I almost tripped over the Queen. Thank gods she's always wanted to be involved in ruling.

" **MERLIN**! I heard shouting," Gwen was trying to look down the hall behind me. It was shamefully easy to hear the fighting. "What happened? Is Arthur okay?"

I bowed deeply, "If my Queen would follow me, The King would like your help to restore order."

With a very commanding air the Queen nodded then she strode right past me. She slammed the chamber doors open loudly enough that everyone jumped and looked up at her. Gwaine promptly dropped Erikson who he'd been holding in a headlock; the younger knight fell with a crash and a yelp. Arthur and Mordred were standing by Leon, who held his bleeding face and was leaning on the table, Eylan shove away an older knight who'd been holding him by his hair. All around the room men dropped each other and shoved back from one another. Most of them looking like shamed children caught misbehaving by their mother.

Try as I might I couldn't keep the almost smug amused look from my face.

The Queen looked over the knights and her husband with the air of a true born noble, and just the slightest hint of surprise. "Funny, I thought I had heard fighting children but all I see is grown men."

Those that hadn't look ashamed before _surely_ did now.

"My King?" Gwen asked giving Arthur a very pointed look.

Quickly the King jumped to his Queen's command and pulled out a seat for her.

"Thank you," Gwen said sinking gracefully into the seat. "And what matter were you discussing?"

When no one answered her I did. "Magic, my Queen," at her raised brow I elaborated. "King Arthur means to lift the ban and put in new laws, ones that will allow for the practice of magic so long as one does so lawfully and for the good of Camelot." I made sure to speak loudly enough that all could hear.

"Why that sounds like a fine idea to me, what was all the arguing about then?"

"Some of the knights feel magic is evil My Queen," It would seem Arthur finally found his voice. "But as I have always said Camelot is meant to be fair and just for all, I mean to make good on my word."

After the Queen's arrival things settled quite a bit. It seemed having the Queen around kept most knights in line. Sure she wasn't of noble birth but all of the knights loved their Queen very dearly. Things went smoothly after that, in the end all but five knights including Erikson swore to help the King bring magic back to the land.

Those five that didn't asked to be dismissed privately.

Though it obviously pained Arthur that some of his knights would rather go back on their oaths then stay they were released from his service.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we finally get dirty <3 like over 3000 words I believe it was. Anyways, it's gonna be a lot of softcore porn coming up so look forward to that.


	6. Dinner For Two (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are ready for over 3,000 words of softcore porn cause here it is!

I _really_  couldn't believe myself. Honestly, what was wrong with me? Still, I walked through the castle easily making my way from my chambers -s _hared with Gaius_ \- to Mordred's chambers. After the meeting, Mordred kept asking me all sorts of questions for hours. Honestly, he had so many questions about everything that had happened and he kept just barely avoiding the one question we _both_ knew he wanted to ask. It was difficult answering him mentally and Arthur verbally though so I'd ended up promising to explain the whole thing over dinner. Thus I ended up here knocking on the door to Mordred's chambers, where I would soon be sitting at a table, across from the man destined to kill Arthur as I explained how we came to give the Disir an answer that would hopefully save Mordred and keep the Kingdom from tearing itself apart.

Funny how things turned out like that.

Flinging the door open with almost festive glee was Mordred. I caught the split second look of pure delight before the boy schooled his face to the much more socially appropriate level of happiness.

"Come in Merlin,"

Following Mordred, to the table, I was much more excited about good food than I should have been.

Between eating and explain all the had happened with the Disir I looked around the room. It was as simple as Lancelot's had been, and much cleaner that Gwaine's had ever been. Mordred had a bed - _at least twice the size of mine_ \- a half-empty bookshelf - _with more pine cones, feathers, interesting rocks, and dried plants than books_ -, a chest of drawers, with an armour and weapons rack stuffed into the far corner, and cupboard next to a small iron stove under the window - _which was shuttered and locked_.

"So it was your idea?" Mordred asked softly sounding amazed.

Most of the dinner had been finished off ages ago though I kept picking at scarps as I spoke, and finally, the tale had wound down to Mordred's newest duties and his job as a teacher of the old religion to the King.

"You don't have to sound so surprised," I frowned as the druid, who blushed.

"I'm sorry it's just. . . . " Mordred trailed off looking shamed. He hesitated, looking away and biting his lip almost shyly. When he did at last speak up it was softly, "I thought you hated me, I didn't think you'd talk to the King and well. . . ."

There he was again, being all cute and likeable. "I don't  _hate_  you," I confessed, hating myself for the way my body reacted when Mordred looked up at me through his impossibly long eyelashes. Seriously what sort of man had lashes like that and eyes of such clear blue? Sighing more to myself than Mordred I had to look away. "I didn't  _trust_  you _,_  I'm still not sure if I do trust you actually."

"Wha-why not?" Came Mordred indigent demand as he slammed his hands on the small table.

Giving the druid a look I tried to consider just how much to tell him. But I soon had to look away, without really looking my eyes scanned the almost military room, the only stuff that caught my eye was armour and cloak. I focused on the cloak, Camelot red and gold, part of me wanted to tell him all of it. Here was someone that knew of my magic like Lancelot had, it had been quite some time since I talked as openly with someone as I had with Lancelot.

Still, though, there was that slight chance that Mordred was still on a path that meant he would one day kill Arthur. That in mind I held myself back.

"Are you really questioning the Great Emrys?" I asked only half joking.

For a moment Mordred looked worried then he looked at me and I knew he could tell I was joking when he smiled. "I thought you were ' _Just Merlin'_ ,"

Shrugging I just took another bite, picking at more scraps. Silence fell between, I was wondering if Mordred had left the top of his shirt undone on purpose. After all, I could see down his shirt every time the boy leaned forward.

The silence didn't last much longer when Mordred, looking very embarrassed, opened his mouth again. "I've been meaning. . . ."

' _Please don't bring up what I think you're about to bring up,'_   I silently begged to try to swallow the food in my mouth before Mordred could say something that would make me choke.

"I was wondering if you maybe. . . . perhaps you had. . . ." Mordred tried, awkwardly trying to figure out his wording. Gods the poor boy was so red in the face he looked about ready to catch fire.

"-Yes I heard," It was surprisingly easy to take pity on young Mordred when he looked that mortified. "If I'm right the first time was four days after you were knighted."

It was almost cute watching the normally collected Mordred looking so very embarrassed. Glancing at his lips I badly wanted to know what my name would sound like spilling from them out loud and I _hated_  myself for the thought. Mordred was a  _boy_ , he was a druid that grew up looking up to Emrys and  _I_ was that same Emys he'd always looked up to. And that was only the start of a very long list titled ' _Reason' I Should Never Ever **Ever** Sleep with Mordred_ _'._ Sure, the future has many paths but what one were we one? Was Mordred still destined to kill Arthur or had I managed to change that with the Disir? The boy was amazing at confusing matters simply by existing.

" _Don't look so embarrassed,_ " I spoke mind-to-mind when I couldn't bring myself to say the words. " _It was. . . . Quite arousing._ " I told him unable to stop myself and almost smacked myself because really, that was so far from appropriate it wasn't even in the same kingdom. 

Mordred looked at me from under his lashes again but there was a certain type of heat to his gaze a look that made me lick my lips while watching Mordred bite his. I could feel my dick growing hard as my pant become uncomfortably tight.

" _Are you just playing with me Emrys?_ "

Biting back a joke about still having clothes on, then another joke about planning to actually play with him later I settled on asking " _Is that what want then? For me to play with you?"_ I wasn't sure what I wanted to do more: kiss the former druid or throw myself from the castle walls.

For a whole second Mordred looked to be considering something then with a clatter of plates he threw himself across the top of the table to connect our lips. I didn't even think about it I just kissed him back.

" _This is wrong_ ," I told him.

" _Emrys_ ,"

" _How old are you? 16? 17? Gods I've got about eight years on you!"_

Mordred let out a soft growl that turned me on more than it should have. " _Emrys._ "

" _We should stop,_ " I told him as I tangled my figures in his hair.

I could feel the little shit smile against my lips.

" _Emrys,_ " He moaned my name that time.

" _This is still so wrong,_ "

" _Emrys, I'm 19, almost 20._ "

It took me a longer than it should have to figure out the math " _Fine six years older_ ," I informed Mordred as I tilted my head, dropping one hand to the back of his neck. After all 19 was whole worlds better 17, it was still a six year difference but 19 years old was acceptable.

" _Has anyone ever told you that you think to much?_ "

I couldn't help laughing against his lips at that, " _I dare you to tell Arthur that_."

Mordred pulled his lips from mine then. "You know, it's very hard to kiss you when you keep worrying like that."

" _Get used to it_ ," I grumbled pulling Mordred's lips back to mine. Everything about Mordred made me like him more, and everything I liked about him made me hate myself because I still wasn't sure if I could trust him. And all of this made for a very confusing mess but then again what part of my life _wasn't_ a confusing mess these days? Besides, kissing Mordred was amazing.

" _Emrys,_ "

" _I swear if you call me Emrys **one** more I'll never kiss you again_." I threatened even though I had no intention of stopping anytime soon whether Mordred called me Emrys or anything else for that matter.

"Merlin," The druid breathed against my lips.

That turned me on a lot more than it should have, I had to remind myself of the six year difference in age. Not that it helped as much as I wished it had.

With a low growl, I nipped at his lips and deepened the kiss, slipping my tongue into Mordred's mouth I had to pull back after a moment though. Mordred was gasping as if he'd forgotten how breathing worked. Something told me he had forgotten about breathing. It had happened to me the first time as well, though I'd been younger then Mordred was at the time. 

It was painfully cute how innocent he seemed in that moment. How could he kill a King when the boy couldn't even remember to  _breath_  while snogging?

" _Come on,_ " I dragged Mordred from his seat to the good sized bed and even made him sit on my lap. He didn't seem to mind at all as he kissed every bit of my face that he could reach. I could feel magic buzzing, a tickling of energy under our skin, every kiss was like sparks between us and I couldn't tell who was doing it. Probably both, or maybe just me.

Cheeks, " _Merlin._ "

Nose, " _Merlin._ "

Jaw, " _Merlin._ "

" _You know I've got six years on you right?"_ I tucked my face into the crook where his neck met his shoulder breathing deeply. The boy smelt of sweat, chainmail, and the forest. Why was that smell making me harder?

" _Closer to five years,_ " He kissed below my left ear. " _And either way, I don't care._ "

More sparks.

" _You'll have to teach Arthur because of me._ "

" ** _Good._** "

I laughed at that and felt Mordred smile as he kissed my neck.

" _I don't share well with other._ " I tried, hands grabbing Mordred's hips. I don't know why I was trying to talk Mordred out of this when I felt like I might just blast anyone that might disturb us. 

" _Neither do I_ ," He kissed down my neck, hands fighting with the knot of my neckerchief.

I groaned my hands flexing where I held the druid vaguely awe of how the candles were starts to dance crazily and how sparks of magic began filling the air.

" _You should stop,_ " I warned him, grinding my hips up against his without thinking.

" _Don't want to,_ "

" _Cheek little shit,_ " I ducked my head and bit down lightly on his collar bone then.

"Merlin," he was moaning my name out loud.

I really should leave before  _something_  happened. And by _something_  I meant  _sex_ ; I mean me fucking Mordred until the poor knight wouldn't be able to stand up the next morning when he had training.

" _Again,_ " Instead I was almost begging him to do it again as my lips and teeth went on a quest for the druid's tattoo that I  _knew_  was somewhere on his chest.

"Merlin, Merlin,  _Merlin,_ " That last 'Merlin' filled both my ears and mind. Mordred ground his hips roughly and gracelessly against mine, he wrapped his arms around me, his fingernails digging at my back and shoulders.

Placing a hand on the small of his back the other reached between us to palm Mordred's covered cock. Gods, how was this boy so beautiful? Eye's half lidded with lust, his fluffy dark hair a mess, cheeks and chest equally flushed, just looking at him was making me harder than it should. I bucked my hips up against his, Mordred's shirt had fallen open in such a way I could now easily find the tattoo I so wanted to kiss and nip.

So I leaned up and lightly dragged my teeth over the coloured flesh leaving a trail of magical sparks in my wake.

"Merlin!"

" _Should I stop? You sound like you're having a hard time breathing._ "

" _Checky older shit,_ " The druid was panting breathlessly. " _If you stop I'm going to flip a table._ "

I laughed against his flesh. " _Don't know, feels like you might anyways_."

The boy sagged sighing against my neck, "Merlin," He spoke softly right into my ear, I could feel his breath fanning out across my ear and jaw. Shivers ran down my spine and my cock twitched in my breeches. "Merlin,  _please._ "

With just a flash of gold, I had both of our pants falling undone, the hand on Mordred's back took better hold of the boy as the hand between us took both our cocks in hand. I butted my head against his chest when he tried to curl into me.

" _Let me see you,_ "

He obliged me, a pair of strong hands gripped my shoulders tight enough to bruise as Mordred thrust into my hand. His clear pale blue hooded eyes had gotten the most beautiful ring of golden colour around the outside, I'd bet mine had too. Around us the air was full of magic, sparks and colours dancing in the air, candles burned brighter than they should, the flames taking on the shapes that from the corner of my eye looked a bit like joining bodies, the bed, table, even the wardrobe and stove shuddered and shook as if wanting to fly.

I ignored it all though, opting to nuzzling Mordred's jaw I enjoyed the strange mix of chainmail with forest that was Mordred.

"Merlin, Merlin,  _Merlin_ ," His voice was even better in person. With practiced movements, I worked our cocks together, the pad of my thumb dragging over the head of Mordred's dripping dick.

" _Mordred,_ " I begged biting down on his tattoo. Such a cute boy, he came in my hand. The small strangled moans that spilled from Mordred's lips were all I needed to cum to.

My handed continued without the need of my brain, which was good, as my brain was hung up on Mordred at the moment. It was dizzying to notice that we'd fallen back on the bed and that Mordred had fallen on top of me, I didn't mind though, kind of liked it actually. Maybe one day he could ride me.

I quickly and violently shut that line of thinking down.

Mordred was a  _boy,_ not really but close. He was 19, I was 25, he was a druid and I was _Emrys_. There was so much wrong with this. I was taking advantage of him! God Arthur was going to  _kill_  me, and when he found out that I was Emrys Arthur would kill me at _least_  three more times. Probably four, and then he'd kill me  _again_ when he learned what Emrys was to druids like Mordred. The other knights would probably help him out.

Then Mordred rolled off me to lay at my side, his head on my shoulder, tilled just enough to kiss my skin, he tangling our fingers together with one hand while his free hand traced the veins under my skin. Then he looked up at me with those stupidly long lashes and hooded blue eyes and smiled as if this moment was the best moment of his life.

I hand to cover my eyes with my free arm because I _really_  didn't want to let go of his hand.

I let out a sigh that sounded an awful lot like "Fuck," and Mordred stiffened. Of course, he was afraid that I'd regret this, call it a mistake - _which is was_ \- say we never should have done it - _we really shouldn't have_ \- and say it was never going to happen again - _it shouldn't_.

What I did say though was: "I'm in love with you." Out loud, with words, that other people could  _hear_.

Which was just me making a bigger mess but it was also at least 82% true.

I didn't have to look at Mordred to know he was at least 28 times happier now than he had been five minutes ago, I could just feel in the way the boy kissed my shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, a few notes: one Mordred is supposed to be around 10 during season one, because of time skips between season it has been 9 years from season one to season five. This means that Mordred would be about 19. Merlin on the other hand a lot looser, we do have a hint for Merlin's age thanks to Kilgharrah's opening narration which changed from "young boy" in season 3 to "young man" in season 4, this means the between those seasons he would have likely turned 21 if we go under the assumption that 21 is the age at which a boy becomes a man. Though historically it would have been more like 14 or whatever. I mean, girls were thought of as a woman when they got their period which could happen as young as 12. Anyways, this all means with time skips he would be 25 at the youngest to 27, I'm going with 25. Making Merlin 6 years older than Mordred. Not a lot but enough to make Merlin uncomfortable with the age difference.
> 
> Moving on to the age of consent: where I live you can consent to have sex at 18, though 16 year old can consent to people 16-18ish so long as the older party isn't in a position of power over them (like a teacher or coach or such). For the purpose of this story, I'm going to say it's about the same here making the age of consent 18. Historically the age would have been closer to like 13 or some shit, but BBC tried to keep it more modern in some respects so I'm going to do the same.
> 
> TLDR: Merlin is 25, Mordred is 19, the age of consent is 18.
> 
> I based the ages off of posts from: mordredmerlinon tumblr/MordredsAge and from: archiveofourown /works/1454269/chapters/3062638
> 
> Anyways, yeah, I feel like exploring consent and the age differences and power dynamics is pretty important to this story. So there's going to be a lot more of that over the course of this train wreck of a fic. 
> 
> But, I think that's all for now, favourite, comment, review, follow, I don't know but if you liked it let me know because I survive off of attention.


	7. Not Quite a Walk of Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now we get to see that Arthur is a man of his word!

It was rather strange to be sneaking into my own room, sure I'd snuck out loads of times, sure. But in? That was a first. Slipping through the cracked door I was hoping to latest change my shirt before work after having spent the night with Mordred.

"Where have you been?" Gaius asked, arms crossed and giving me a dirty look.

Well, there goes stealth.

"I was with Mordred," No point in lying, Gaius would catch me in a lie anyway.

"Mordred?"

"Yes,"

"Our Mordred? Mordred the druid knight?"

"No the one that juggles swords,  _Yes our Mordred!"_

"Well I'm sorry, I thought you hated the boy," I guess I could understand Gauis' surprise, at least a little bit.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Shaking my head I tromp up the stairs to change quickly. "Well I don't hate Mordred, just don't trust him. So we're working on that. If he's going to be teaching the king I figure we ought to get along."

"That's awfully mature of you Merlin." Called the old man from downstairs, sounding just a bit suspicious. I rejected the implications of such a comment but didn't have the time to argue my maturity. See? Right there, just Merlin being mature, not that anyone thinks I can be apparently.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" I demanded while pulling on a clean shirt.

"I'm not," I didn't believe him for one second. But I also had to wake up Arthur with his breakfast in about 10 minutes so there was no time to argue.

"Right, well _I_ have work to do," I called, practically throwing myself down the staircase. "Also, Mordred was talking about teaching me some magic in the evenings, you know, if I'm late coming back, just a heads up."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I could hear nothing but worried disapproval, after all, magic was  _still technically_  illegal.

"We'll just being going over theory to start, _apparently_ he finds my formal education lacking." That wasn't even a lie. Mordred had been outright appalled when I told him that I pretty much looked for spells in a book and hoped for the best.

Gaius looks like he wants to argue more, he even opened his mouth before I cut him off, I really should have been running five minutes ago after all. Plus I did not want to say exactly what Mordred and I had been up to all night.

"-Sorry Gaius but I've really got to run," With a wave, I'm out the door and breathing a sigh of relief.

 

* * *

 

Running through the halls, practically dancing as I spin or twist out of other servants ways, only the slightest bit of magic keeps the plates glued to the tray. Gods, I'm running late today, not that it's  _that_ different from any other day.

"Good Morning Arthur, Morning Gwen," I call out gleefully as I enter the royal bedchamber. Carefully I set out breakfast and pull open all of the curtains to Arthur groaning displeasure.

Gwen, always the early riser is already up and dressed. "Good morning Merlin," The Queen smiles helping me pull open the curtains. She leans close as we work whispering with a look of slight worry. "How do you think the council is going to take the news?"

"About as well as the knights but much less violently," I confide equally quiet.

Most of the knights had been knights since Uther's time, even more of the council members were Uther's men. Men who got their seats during or because of the purge. It was pretty much expected they'd fight it. Arthur and I had agreed as much back before we spoke to the Disir. We had also agreed that the council would have to grow up, act like adults, and accept the changes, though Arthur was nicer about it.

Arthur and Gwen settled to eat shortly after that, and within an hour someone was knocking on the door.

His mouth full, Arthur waved for me to open it.

It was Mordred.

"What?" Great Merlin, _real classy,_  stand there with your mouth hanging open.

"Well  _Mer_ lin, you going to let him in or not?"

Mordred just smiled at me and sidestepped into the room. "Good morning King Arthur, My Queen, Merlin,"

"Mordred, very good timing," Arthur spoke, standing to greet his knight. "Shall we get to it then?"

Nodding respectfully Mordred held up a leather-bound book and gestured to the King's writing desk. "I thought it best we start simple, The God and Goddess, lore and like, before we start on actual rituals my King,"

"Wait, you're actually going to learn about the Old Religion?" Gwen asked following Arthur and Mordred to the desk.

"Of course I am!" Arthur sounded a little offended. "I said I would after all. What sort of King would I be if I didn't follow through with my word?"

"A very shoddy King," I replied helpfully as I cleaned up breakfast.

Waving his arms at me Arthur looked at Gwen, "See, even  _Mer_ lin gets it."

"You are a wonderful and trustworthy King, everyone can see your word is binding," I called grinning as I cleaned.

"Exactly!"

With all the manners of a proper knight Mordred interrupted us, "Very good My King, but perhaps we should actually start?"

I left as the lesson began.

 

* * *

 

"No," I said firmly as I turned, almost dancing around my would-be lover. I say ' _would-be'_  not because I don't love the boy, I do, I say ' _would-be_ ' because it  _would be_  entirely inappropriate to have such a relationship with the boy. A relationship that he is entirely _too_  eager to pursue while I am perfectly happy waiting a year or so.

Okay, maybe not ' _happy'_ but ' _willing'_.

Thus bringing us to our 48th argument on the matter in the past month.

"Merlin please," Mordred just barely kept the begging tone from his voice. "I love you, Merlin, why? Why can't we be together?"

"You know perfectly well why," I replied making my way down the castle hall knowing full well Mordred would follow. He always follows. "I've told you a dozen times Mordred, you're 19, you're only a boy, I'm 25."

"I'm old enough!" Mordred cut in as he always did.

So far we went over everything we had before, the age difference, Mordred's age in general really, our places in court - _a knight with a servant, it would be **such** a scandal on its own_ , and then the fact that we're both men. Each one would be a scandal on its own but all three?

That's just all the points I'd argued  _with_  Mordred. I'd gone over so much more in my own head. Like the fact that he looks up to me as Emrys, the fact that while mature Mordred is still so young, and that youth meant that he could change his mind at any point, that he was - _maybe still is_ \- the one meant to kill Arthur. It often felt like on a good day I could find  _100_  reasons not to be with Mordred, on a bad day I could find  _1,000_.

 _Yet_. . . . Yet I wanted him, I still wanted Mordred.

One hundred reasons to not be together and I still wanted the boy. Even more, though I wanted the man I hoped he'd grow to be.

"Mordred please," I acknowledged the Druid turning to look at him, my arms full of Arthur's paperwork. "For now can't we just say 'I love you' and leave it at that?"

Biting his lip like the child he never got to be Mordred nodded. "I love you too."

Unable to stop myself I stole a kiss in the almost empty hallway. "I know. I'll see you later." With that, I turned and left.

 

* * *

 

Deep down I wanted Mordred, I still wasn't sure how much I could trust the boy, but I still wanted him. Wanted him than I'd wanted anyone before. That was a problem all on its own, I'd learned with Freya that I'd been willing to abandon Arthur once for love, what if I'd do it again with Mordred? I couldn't risk that, not again. Then there was Mordred's destiny, and now I feel like I'm just repeating myself.

I know I'm just repeating myself.

But-

" _Merlin?_ "

Ahhhh speak of evil, I thought to myself as Mordred's clear voice mentally filled my mind. " _Mordred_ ," I answered rolling my shoulders, setting aside the book I _had_ been reading but had just been staring at for the past while. Sitting up on my small uncomfortable bed, in my tiny messy room almost made me consider sneaking into Mordred's chamber for more reasons than one.

 _"Merlin, will I see you tonight?_ " It was strange, to hear his voice in my mind and somehow know where Mordred was, what he was hoping for. I could only assume it was due to our closeness and his natural abilities when it came to this sort of communication. Perhaps there was more to it though, perhaps it was whatever connected us, perhaps it was my imagination, or maybe I just knew Mordred that well by now. Either way, I was sure he was in the little-used servant's staircase less the 20 feet from the door to the quarters I shared with Gaius.

My heart heavy I once again repeated the same argument I'd been having with Mordred and with myself since I before we even kissed. " _I'm not sure that's a good idea right now Mordred._ "

" _Why?!"_ I could feel his heartbreak through our connection.  _"I'll be good,_ please _I just want to see you._ " When he spoke like that Mordred reminded me just how young he really was. For all that Mordred could be mature sometimes, he could also be surprisingly childish at times.

Sighing I stood pacing my small room. " _Mordred,_ " what could I say? What could I tell him? How could I make understand the war in my heart?

" _Merlin. . . ."_

He's only 19.

" _Please. . . ._ "

I'm already 25.

" _Don't shut me out. . . ._ "

He's still growing up.

" _I love you . . . ._ "

I'm Emrys.

" _. . . . Emrys_."

I could feel the name, like ice in my veins it froze my heart. " _Mordred_ ," That was it, that was why it felt wrong, " _I can't today,_ " Because he looked up to me. Because to him, I was Emrys, I was some great legend, more Myth than man. " _Maybe tomorrow_." Because it felt like taking advantage of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one, this one was also two chapters before but they've now been shoved together, so it is a bit longer than it had been. The next one is also going to be two shoved together for another massive chapter. I'm hoping to bring a few more chapters over from Fanfics.net but I'm not sure how many more I'll get done today.


	8. The Conversion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, have some tears and fluff while our boys trying to sort their shit out. Remember a good healthy relationship needs a solid base of honesty and trust! This part was posted on Fanfics as three parts because I didn't like waiting so long between chapters so I just updated as I wrote enough to post. Now though I have the luxury of posting it all as one long mega chapter. I wish I was the sort of person to add consistent-ish chapters of like 2,000-4,000 words every time. But tbh I'm really not that person XD
> 
> Now that that's all said and done! Let's move on to the feature presentation, enjoy!

I am ashamed to admit that I spent the next few days avoiding Mordred.

He knew it too. How could he not know it? Every time I left a room after he entered. Everything I ignored him or acted as if I didn't hear him. He knew it and every time he'd whisper in my mind, ' _Emrys,_ ' so small, so sad, so hurt.

 _I_  made him feel small.

 _I_  made him sad.

 _I_  hurt him.

 _I_  loved him.

So. . . . How could  _I_  do this to him?

Knowing full and well that something had to be done it still took me days to figure out exactly  _what_  I would do. I'd fallen for Mordred, the soft-spoken and oddly mature druid boy, I'd kissed him and told him I loved him, and now I'd hurt him. The thought made me want to scream and had me actually tearing at my hair, I knew full and well that  _something_  was going to force Mordred's hand sooner or later. At some point, something was going to twist him and turn him against me in some way. It was starting to look like  ** _I_**  was going to be that  _something_.

I fought with myself as I pulled off my shirt. I should be going to bed, I had to get up early after all. Slowly, my heart heavy I began to ready for bed.

Then as if the Maiden Goddess Herself took pity on me I heard  _him_.

" _Merlin,_ " Well, that's a little unexpected given Mordred knows I've heard him before.

" _Merlin,_ " The druid repeats.

There's something . . . .  _different_. I realize as once again Mordred mental voice whispers " _Merlin,_ " and my own name rings in my mind. It's soft and sad and almost bleeding with hurt and loneliness.

I'm on my feet, out the door, bursting into the short hall, and almost flying down a flight of short winding stairs at the end of the hall before my brain can even process what my body is doing. Torches set in the wall fly past me, the walls a blur of lit and shadow stone blending together as I run, tripping every few feet I rush to Mordred's room, mentally calling out to him. " _Mordred!_ " There's only one thought in my head: the boy. I'm so bad at this I realize, so bad at all of it. How can I be Emrys when I make the boy I love hurt so deeply?

" _Merlin?!_ " He's surprised, tentative, and still hurting so badly I can almost feel it myself.

I don't know what to say, how to soothe his pain so I tell him the only thing that comes to my mind, " _I'm coming._ " The rest is unsaid but I'm sure Mordred can feel it: ' _I'm sorry'_ , ' _Forgive me?'_ , ' _I never meant to hurt you like this'_ , ' _I love you'._

When I turn into that last hall, one hand on the wall to help throw my whole body into the turn, there, mere feet from Mordred's door, he's waiting.

Of _course_ , he is.

I see him first, he's looking down, wringing his hands, tears welling in his eyes and leaving tracks down his pale cheeks. This time my brain thinks first demanding to hold him and fix all of this. Moving quickly I pull Mordred to me, he doesn't fight, instead, he almost melts into the embrace, his strong arms wrapping around me and almost crushing me with his broad hands, and Mordred sobs.

His face is tucked against my shoulder, one of my arms wrapped around him to rub circles on his back, my free hand tangles in his hair. Less than half of Mordred's words are coherent, I catch even less, muffled as his voice is when spoken against my chest.

To say that I feel awful is an understatement.

With coaxing, soft pleas, and out right manhandling I get both of us back into Mordred's room. I don't bother pulling away and just shut and lock the door and shutters with a touch of magic as I lead the hurt druid to his bed. It's the only place I can sit while still holding the boy.

" _I'm sorry,_ " I whisper to him mentally as I sit on the edge of the bed and pull Mordred into my bony lap. " _I'm so sorry, I never should have hurt you like this._ "

Being in the right awful state that Mordred is he sobs something I barely catch into my chest. I catch a few words, like: 'My fault', 'don't hate me', and 'sorry'.

If at all possible I think it makes me feel worst. A real feat, I already felt like the second worst person walking this earth. Now I feel like I've actually managed to take first place.

It's now quite obvious that I'm going to have to talk with Mordred about our relationship. Neither one of us would be able to take much more of what I've been putting us through. All this pain, guilt, loneliness, it's all on my head not Mordred and yet he's the one taking the blame. He's trying to shoulder the weight of the burden I put on us and now he's cracking under that burden.

Holding on tighter I nuzzle at the top of Mordred's head. " _I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you. I really do, I'm sorry Mordred. Please, Mordred, please forgive me._ "

Mordred doesn't seem to answer, he's too busy crying thanks to me. Beside, he doesn't really have to answer, I'd bet everything I own that he'd forgive me. After all, to him I'm Emrys and that's the problem isn't it? I'm Emrys, I've deeply and seriously hurt him, and he's going to go and forgive me because I'm Emrys. Gods I hate that name more than I ever have before. It isn't a title, Emrys is a curse, the worst curse I know of.

It felt like ages, so it's probably been less than a hour, by the time Mordred has cried himself out and calmed down. A strange cold calm has settled over my druid but he remains cuddled, curled up, and held in my lap.

"Why?" Mordred finally asks, his voice still muffled as his face is still firmly buried in my chest.

"Because," I can feel something breaking inside my heart, I can hear in breaking in my voice too. "I'm not  _Emrys_."

The name hangs in the air all around us, to me it sums up a lot. It was the difference between us, the way I can so confidently know that Mordred will forgive me most anything because I'm  _Emrys_. It's my fear of failing, of messing up, not being enough. Failing: Arthur, Camelot, destiny, myself, and now Mordred. To me  _Emrys_  is a curse; to Mordred it's hope. I've never thought of myself as  _Emrys_. Never even wanted to be  _Emrys._  But somehow, for Mordred, unconsciously, I grew to want it.  _Emrys_  is a story, a legend, but he's not real, he's not me. Part of me is terrified I'll never _be_ Emrys, that sooner or later Mordred will see what I see and he'll decide that ' _just Merlin'_  isn't enough. I know I can never be Emrys, but still. . . . For Mordred, I'd begun to want to try.

That was even worst.

Being Emrys would put me so high above Mordred, already Mordred looked at me as if I was some great legend, some sort of God almost. It was  ** _wrong_**.

"I'm Merlin," I told him, I could feel something wet running down my cheeks but I refused to acknowledge it. " _Just_   _Merlin,_ " and I was worried that 'just Merlin' wouldn't be enough for him.

Mordred moves, I can only guess he wants to look at my face but I hold him tighter against my body. I don't want Mordred to me like this. I don't want him to see that I am weak, I can't bare it, to so openly show him my failings and shortcomings. Part of me wants to though, part of me wants to show him just who Merlin is, wants to break his of his idea that Merlin = Emrys when for me they so _clearly_ don't match up. After all, Emrys is a legendary Warlock, the most powerful magic user to ever walk the earth. Merlin is just the King's servant. 

Beyond that, though I still want to hold him close.

"Merlin. . . ." He sounds as broken as I feel. "I'm sorry," I crush him tighter to me and Mordred tightens his arms around me. It feels like we're trying to hold each other together and I hate that we have to. "I- I should have, I mean You always-"

I shush him, kissing the top of his head. "No,  _we should_  have talked about it. _I_   _should_  have told you.  _I should_  have explained this long before now."

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't hav-" I shushed Mordred again, cutting him off.

"You never did anything wrong." I told him firmly, finally pulling back and making Mordred look me in the eyes. " _Never._ " Taking a moment to wipe some of the tears from Mordred's face I warred with myself, as I often seemed to where Mordred was involved.

"I. . . . I've been at war with myself since I met you." I began trying to find the easiest way to explain everything. My eyes wander over what I can see of Mordred's room from over his shoulder. The iron stove and tiny cooking area, the lightly scared table, an empty plate, a mug, and a trio of half-melted candles on it with its pair of worn chairs. I sigh looking back to Mordred, "Even when you were a boy. I just. . . . It's. . . ." Swallowing hard I began at the start. "I helped you because you were just a child, it was the right thing to do. Or at least that's what I felt. But the Great Dragon. . . . He's quite sure I should have killed you then, he always has been and he's right more often than not."

" _Why?"_ Mordred's voice in my mind is oddly calm, even for him.

I couldn't force the words past my lips. " _You're supposed to kill Arthur._ "

Shaking his head slowly Mordred refused to look at me. "No. No. No. No, he-he's my King, I woul- _couldn't_  kill Arthur."

Stroking and cuddling I tried to comfort Mordred. "I know, I was - _still am-_ sure he's wrong. The Dragon-he-he has to be wrong. So I helped save you, every second of that day was a war with myself. With what I'd felt, what I'd hoped, and what I'd been told."

Silently in my arms, Mordred was weeping. With a gentle hand, I made him look back up at me. "I don't regret saving you that day," I said firmly meeting Mordred's eyes, he turned away first looking pained as leaned his head on my shoulder. "I never could. I do regret how long it took me to make up my mind though." I kissed his tear stained cheeks and cuddled Mordred closer. Pull him closer like the child he never got to be. "I'm so sorry Mordred, I've made such a mess of things, letting you get hurt like this."

"Why?" Mordred asked his voice small.

I didn't have to ask to know what he meant, we knew each other too well by now.

With I sigh I began explaining everything the dragon had told me about Mordred's fate, everything anyone had ever told me actually, and everything I'd been shown or seen myself. By the end of my explanation, Mordred looked terrified, and small, and young, so much younger than he had before.

" _I'm sorry,_ " I told him mind to mind, lightly bumping my forehead against his. " _I don't want to hurt you but I fear what will come if I keep this from you any longer._ "

Mutely Mordred just nodded burying his tear stained face in my chest. "If they're right-"

" _They aren't._ " 

" _But if they are-_ "

" _The future has many paths, our fate isn't written yet._ "

Mordred wouldn't look at me, and I couldn't blame him either. Everything I'd told him, it was a lot, even for me at times. To suddenly have such a thing dropped on him, after the way I'd been treating him too.

" _I love Mordred,_ " I told him, I looked around Mordred's room, my eyes catching on the assortment of things collected on the bookshelf, all sorts of plants, pinecones, dried flowers and herbs, a chipped shell, and shiny or interesting rocks, all the things that Mordred found, noticed, picked, had thought to keep. " _And I can't honestly believe that Arthur's killer keeps dried flowers, pinecones, and shiny rocks._ "

 At that Mordred laughed, it was weak and watery but it was laugh and to me that's the only thing that mattered just then.

"Honestly," I joked, "what sort of king slayer keeps dried flowers? I think one of them even has a ribbon on it," I said teasingly and catching sight of Mordred's slight blush and a tiny smile.

"You may have a point there," Mordred laughed weakly again. "Maybe the sort that's trying to keep you off their back?"

"Well they're not doing a very good job of it now are they?" I replied nuzzling Mordred's fluffy hair. "As he's currently 50% of what I think about."

"What's the other 50%? Arthur?"

"And food! Food's at _least_ 20%."

Mordred actually laughed at that. Internally I cheered; my Mordred wasn't so hurt that he couldn't laugh ever again. I felt as if I'd just been told there was no way he could ever kill Arthur, which would honestly be the best thing I've ever heard.

After he settled again Mordred looked up at me, his face flushed and tear stained. "Do you really believe that though, that I won't-"

"I believe," I cut Mordred off. "That the Druid I fell in love with is going to help me bring magic back to Camelot. I believe that so long as we're together nothing is going to stop us. I believe that between the two us Arthur isn't going to have that much of a choice when it comes to magic."

"How can you be so sure?"

Sighing tiredly and softly I leaned back to flopped onto the bed, pulling Mordred to lay down with me. "Because, I can't bare to think about any other possibility."

I knew I'd ruined the atmosphere, made everything tense again, reminded Mordred of what he was already trying so hard to forget. But I wanted to be honest, completely honest with him, thus I couldn't start lying and hiding painful things again already. Even if it hurt us being honest would be better, at least I hoped, in the long run.

Quickly I stuffed away that depressing trail of thought and stretched out on Mordred's bed, his is so much bigger and softer than to one in my chambers. Cotton sheets, that  _weren't_ so thin as to be nearing threadbare, and pillows, good feather pillows. I knew Mordred sometimes liked to curl on his side and just hold one of his pillows to his chest. I'd seen him do as much once. "Now, it's getting late, I'm going to bed," I announced, making myself comfortable and pulling Mordred close to cuddle.

"Wha- Merlin!" Mordred half shouted, wiggling and struggling in my arms. "I'm still dressed, I still have my boots on!"

I hummed, "I could help with that." I couldn't deny that Mordred  _was_  good looking, very good looking in fact, and while I wasn't quite ready to go  _that_  far I could at least appreciated that view.

Mordred was now turning bright red. "I-I should, I need too-"

Unable to help myself I grinned, sometimes Mordred was so calm and mature, other times it was quite obvious that he really was the youngest knight in Camelot. "You need to what exactly?" I teased, reaching out to stroke one brightly flushed cheek. My knuckles lightly trailing over heated flesh, I watch Mordred, I watch him lick his lip, watch as his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows nervously. 

"I-I-I need to-ummmm m-my boots," He stuttered out, his whole face flushed.

I pressed feather light kisses to his flushed flesh that went trailing from Mordred's bright cheeks to his jaw, down his neck to his shoulders. "Is that so?" I pressed another kiss to his shoulder. "Should I help you with them?"

"Hmmm, wo-would you? Please?"

Grinning I rolled away from Mordred, crawling sown a few short feet on the bed to grab first one of Mordred's calves then the other, pulling the boots off of his feet and throwing them away, one after the other, as I did so.

"I suppose I should help you with your clothes now too, shouldn't I? You shouldn't got to bed in the clothes you wear to training should you?"

"Ahh, yo-you're right, I shouldn't." Mordred was flushed, biting his lips and looking quite embarrassed as he tried to look anywhere but directly at me.

"Unless," I put a single finger under Mordred's chin, turning him too look at me. "Would you rather I stop? If you're that embarrassed and uncomfortable I can stop."

I could see Mordred's neck move as he swallowed, his pale hooded eyes of blue steel meeting mine. "I. . . . I don't want you to leave."

"Then I won't."

"I'm not, not sure what I should do."

"Well, that would depend on what you want."

Mordred pouted at that. "I want you."

"Ahhhh," I nodded sagely. "You'll have to wait for that."

"Wha-!" Mordred gasped like a fish. "But why?"

Part of me really,  _really_ , wanted to blame it on work, on the time, on a dozen other things I'm sure I could find. But, I was the one that wanted to be honest in this relationship, so I had to be honest about this sort of thing didn't I? "Because, to you I'm Emrys. I'm not, I can't Mordred. It feels like I'm taking advantage of you."

From the look, Mordred was giving me it was obvious he'd never considered it in that way, never considered that my being Emrys could affect our relationship. I couldn't help but see this as another sign of Mordred's immaturity.

"But, you're not?" Mordred propped himself up on his elbows, something about the way Mordred spoke made it sound more like a question. "I want to, with you."

"It doesn't matter Mordred, or rather I should say, I'm worried." I laid back down next the druid. "I love you and I feel like I'm taking advantage of you. I hate that feeling. If we slept together now. . . ." I trailed off, clenching and unclenching my fists. How could I make Mordred see it? How could I explain that it?

"Well?" Mordred prodded gently when I didn't answer for a few moments.

Sighing I curled up against the druid, why did I ever think honesty would be a good idea? "Because, I'm Emrys aren't I? What if you realize that you've wanted 'Emrys' all this time and decide 'Just Merlin' isn't enough? What if at the end 'Merlin' falls too short after 'Emrys'? And even if 'Merlin' is okay, you're still young, how can you be sure I'm what you want?"

"And what if 'Just Merlin' if more than enough? What if I love 'Just Merlin' more than 'Emrys'? What if no one else matters because 'Just Merlin' is perfect? What if you're worried about nothing?"

Snuggling my druid turned knight I laughed. "I guess you could have a point there."

With a smug look on his face, Mordred began combing his fingers through my hair, I could almost feel myself melting at his touch.

"If you keep that up I will fall asleep."

"Good, you look tired."

Laughing I make myself comfortable enough to sleep. "I am tired, that royal prat runs me ragged from dawn to dusk."

I couldn't see his face but I was almost certain Mordred rolled his eyes. "So why are you still his servant if it's such an awful job?"

"It's a great why to keep an eye on him. How else do you expect me to keep the great royal idiot alive?"

"I think that's treason."

I yawned. "I'm too tired to care."

"You might be, but I'm a knight, am I going to have to turn you in?"

Jabbing Mordred in the side only made him laugh. "You turn me in and I'm taking you down with me you magical druid of prophecy."

"Good point, well you're safe for now."

"Now that that's decided, let me sleep." I jabbed Mordred again.

Mordred wrapped me in a tight hug. "Don't want to!"

With a forceful shove, I sat up, frowning down at Mordred who looked quite pleased, even with tear stains still on his face. "In that case, I'm going back to my own room and my own bed."

Within seconds Mordred had grabbed and gotten us both tangled in his sheets. "I'll be good, promise! Please Merlin, don't go."

In the end, I didn't leave, I didn't want to either. So I fell asleep, warmly tangled in the sheets together with Mordred on his bed, with the taste of his lips on mine. It was probably the best night's sleep I'd ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is one of the more important chapters, not just in the story but for everything I've written thus far as far as fanfics go. So much of this is talking, going over important topics, trusting each other and opening up. I've always felt the communication and honesty are very important in relationships (not just dating but friendships too!) so I really enjoy getting the chance to work on stories that have talks like this. If I can portray a happy and healthy relationship in my writing I'm very proud of myself.
> 
> Up next: training, lessons and references to stuff from actual episodes


	9. Early Morning Teasing

I woke first.

The sun's light wasn't even reaching over the walls to light the courtyard yet but I was awake and ready to get up, if not exactly willing to get up. It was quite comfortable to lay in bed tangled together with Mordred. Almost _to_ comfortable. It was warm and cosy laying tangled together in bed. Still, it was early and I had chores to get done: bringing the King his breakfast, mucking out stables, polishing weapons and armour, feeding and dressing Arthur for the day, errands for Gaius, and at least a dozen other things to clean, mend, or otherwise take care of.

Carefully I slipped out of the bed, pressed a light kiss to Mordred's cheek, and bid the Druid a silent farewell.

I was so caught up in making sure that I didn't wake Mordred that I slipped out of the room and promptly tripped over Gwaine.

"Woah Mord- _ **Merlin!**_ "

" **Shhhh!** " I hushed the knight rather aggressively and pulled the grinning Gwaine away from Mordred's door. " _What_  are doing up this early?" I demand as Gwaine opened his own mouth.

"What are you doing in  _Mordred's rooms_?" Gwaine looked much too pleased, happier than a cat with cream he was.

Trying to deflect I shot back with: "I asked you first."

Gwaine just grinned even wider. "Avoiding are we? Shall I make up your story for you then?"

"Please don't," I deadpanned to avoid begging.

"I think you spend the  _night_  with the youngest  _knight_  in Camelot."

I couldn't say anything to that, I didn't like lying to Gwaine - _but magic meant I had too_ \- besides, Gwaine was crazy good at sniffing out lies. Not that he often challenged me on them, but he always got this sceptical look whenever I lied. Like he didn't believe me but wasn't willing to keep pushing the matter. 

"Oh-ho!" The older man laughed happily. "Well well well, Mordred and Merlin, and here were all were thinking you loved _Arthur_."

Snorting in annoyance I rolled my eyes at Gwaine. "Arthur? As if I'd fall in love with that prat!"

The first little bits of daylight was now starting to creep over the castle walls, looking at them I nodded towards the castle proper and began walking. Gwaine followed, of course, he couldn't let this opportunity to tease me go to waste.

"Yes, yes, that's what I told Leon, he didn't believe me." Gwaine was sounding much too pleased and for a moment I wondered if he had any bets on my love life. I couldn't ask, I didn't want to know; not really. "But Mordred? Really? How long?" Gwaine began firing off questions as we took the steps and make our ways to the castle kitchens.

"We haven't- we're not-"

A firm hand shot out and wrapped tightly around my upper arm, pulling me to a stop, I could smell the kitchens even though we were still a bit away.

"Merlin."

"Gwaine."

"What are you doing with Mordred?"

I opened my mouth before I realised I didn't have an answer. "I don't know."

Head shaking Gwaine laughed. "Of course you don't! You know the boy's in love with you right?"

"Yes," I sighed crossing my arms defensively.

"Good," Gwaine nodded as if confirming some believe he had about our relationship. "Just, be careful right? I don't know who I should be more worried about; you or Mordred."

"Neither," I turned and went back to the task at hand: Arthur's breakfast.

Like his laughter, Gwaine followed me. "If you say so. Still," Gwaine shook his head laughing like he'd just heard the best joke. "You and Mordred, and here we'd thought you hated the boy!"

"I never hated him," I could feel my face flushing as I turned the corner.

"Could have fooled me." I could just  _hear_ Gwaine rolling his eyes behind me.

"I just didn't know what to make of him. He was a druid, he knows Morgana, hell, he's even h _elped_  Morgana!"

"Are you sure you don't hate him?" Gwaine pressed sounding worried.

I stopped, as did Gwaine, my gaze dropped to the floor. "I don't  _hate_  him, I'm just worried. I'm never sure how much I can  _trust_  him."

"Arthur trusts him."

"And Arthur trusted Morgana, _look where that got us_."

We were silent for a few long moments. Both of us just waiting for the other to say something. Gwaine looking at me and I was looking anywhere but at Gwaine. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gwaine open his mouth to say something only to close it as a servant went by. Frowning he waited, watching the tired looking woman walk by with a basket full of castle laundry. After she left Gwaine sighed, running a hand through his unfairly good-looking hair.

"It  _sounds_ ," Gwaine said at last, "as if you're trying to talk yourself out of whatever's between you two. And yet, you spent the night with him. You really ought to sort out your feels before you sleep around mate."

" **I didn't fuck the boy!** " I snapped.

Gwaine snorted, covering his mouth with one fist, he was trying not to grin, looking at me with a teasing and playful twinkle in his eye. "But I bet you want to."

I hated that he was right.

Apparently, my flushed face told Gwaine all he needed to know because the knight left laughing loudly at my expense.


	10. Who's Emrys?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, another chapter that used to be two on Fanfics but now it's one larger piece. I remember just how much trouble the second half of this had been to write. Oh man, I had to keep writing and rewriting it because I knew what I wanted but nothing was ever good enough. Sometimes I just have a hard time getting a chapter to a point where I can say 'Yup this is good! I'm going to post this!' They had been such a headache at the time I'm so happy with them now though XD
> 
> Okay, now we can move on to the feature presentation, enjoy!

After having left a laughing Gwaine in the hall outside of the kitchens I began to get on my first job of the day: Bringing the King and Queen their breakfast. I tried not to think about what Gwaine had said. ' _But you wanted to,_ ' his words kept coming back to me, echoing with a truth that made me blush.

At least I couldn't be distracted by Gwaine's words in the castle kitchens. The whole place was always a bit chaotic. It was stiflingly hot from all the ovens and stoves, all of them in use with well-fed, roaring fires, and all the quickly moving bodies of cooks and servants. It was loud, people shouting and arguing, chopping things, peeling things, the crackle of fires, and boiling or steaming pots, sizzling pans, the kitchens had a music all there own and that music was chaos. I slipped past, almost dancing between, past, and around castle staff, ducking under arms and around cooks as I got the King and Queen's breakfast and got out. 

I even managed to steal a roll for myself before fleeing to go start another day.

Arthur was, as always, still asleep. Gwen though was up. So when I softly knocked on the door to the royal chambers she opened the door with a bright smile. Even though Gwen was a Queen now she was still common born and raised. She was never one for sleeping in, probably never would be. Smiling back at Gwen I took her's and Arthur's breakfast to the table, hearing her softly shut the door before we both worked to set up the Royal breakfast on the table. Once that was done I cheerfully woke the Royal Prat: he threw a candle branch at me as I opened the curtains to let the sun in.

 

* * *

 

I had just finished cleaning up the King and Queen's breakfast when once more Mordred came knocking. Arthur and Gwen were sharing sweet farewells as Gwen would be going off to ride with her brother and the other knights. Mordred's arrival saved me from awkwardly watching the lovebirds by myself.

Of course, I'd also told Mordred mentally when he should start heading up.

"I was thinking we could start talking more about the triple Goddess," Mordred was saying as he and Arthur got settled. "There's so much to go over-"

"-Actually," Arthur cut the boy off. "I'd like to hear about this ' _Emrys_ '. I've heard the name before, but no one seems to know anything." I froze at the name, back ramrod straight and almost dropped the plates I'd been packing up after breakfast.

" _I'm sorry Merlin_."

Well, this was a topic I'd hoped they'd avoid.

" _Don't you dare!"_  I told Mordred, I could just barely make out the movement as he flinched out of the corner of my eye. I knew it was probably a good idea for Arthur to hear about Emrys but would Mordred tell him  _who_ Emrys was? I didn't really think he'd out me like that but would he hint at it? Would he tell Arthur just enough that he could figure it out himself?

" _Merlin,_ " it was half pleading, half placating.

I began to pick up forks with slightly shaky hands and swallowed dryly.

"I'm not that surprised you've heard the name, Emrys is well known to the druids after all you see Emrys is a sort of legend." Mordred was beginning a bit awkwardly and nervously. The nervousness was entirely my fault, I was sure of it. "A druid myth, Emrys, ' _The Greatest Warlock to Walk the Earth'_ is meant to help ' _The Once and Future King_ '." Mordred was growing excited, it was just a slight hint, a slightly different tone to his voice. A certain level of admiration and reverence to his tone that made my stomach feel a bit sick and twisted up. I was fairly sure Arthur hadn't noticed Mordred's excitement even though the King looked both puzzled and intrigued. "Together they'll bring back magic and save, well, everyone. Most Druids think he's meant to help you, many believe you'll be 'The Once and Future King'. In that case, Emrys would be your greatest ally. At least, if the druids are right." Bitting his lips gently Mordred seemed to be trying to rein in his excitement. I can't really blame him, he was telling 'The Once and Future King' about 'The Once and Future King'.

"Help me?! **Me**?! Bring back magic?!" Oh, Arthur was definitely surprised. "Bu-but I'm  _Uther's_  son! I grew up killing anyone with magic!"

"Yes, I **know**." There was a cold pained look in Mordred's eyes at that and I wanted nothing more than to hold him.

That feeling was quickly crushed. 

All I could do though was send him a wave of magical comfort as I left the table and bend over Arthur's bed to straighten the sheets.

"That being as it is, many Druids still hope you'll prove yourself a kinder King than your father, at least where magic is involved." At that Mordred went into every Emrys related tale and myth he knew.

I didn't, _couldn't,_ stay to hear them.

* * *

"I'm coming too!" Mordred declared slamming his hands on the table as he stood violently. I had expected as much, Mordred really wasn't the sort to sit back and wait at home while the rest of the knights went on a dangerous quest.

"No, you're not," I calmly told him, crossing my arms over my chest. "You're staying put right here. You're the youngest knight and Arthur and I both believe this to be the work of Morgana."

Mordred opened his mouth- _no doubt to argue_ \- but I talked right over him. " **And if**  Morgana is behind this I wouldn't put it past her to use Gwen as a diversion. So sit down and listen to me for five minutes Mordred."

Pouting like a child Mordred sat.

Sighing I settled myself more comfortably at Mordred's table. After having seen to Leon and Percival, and having talked to Arthur I'd come to see Mordred. So far this conversation was going about as badly as I'd expected. Which had been very badly.

"Yes, you're staying here but I  _need_  you here Mordred. If Morgana  _is_  using Gwen as a diversion and if she  _does_  attack while I'm trailing after Arthur to save our Queen what do you think will happen?" I asked him trying to get Mordred to see what was the best course of action. While there  _was_ a level of strategy to leaving a magic user behind should Morgana attack an undefended Camalot, I also wanted to keep Mordred safe. It was silly, downright ridiculous really, but I wanted to keep Mordred safe, preferably locked behind thick walls, somewhere I could keep an eye on him. But Mordred was a knight and so I also knew I'd never be able to keep him safe like I wanted to. Not every time, but just this once? This time I could.

Swallowing and looking just slightly shamed Mordred answered: "She'd win. There'd be no one with magic to counter her if we both left."

"Exactly!" I cheered reaching across the table to mess up his hair. "I have to follow our King into what is the most obvious of obvious traps but that doesn't mean we have to leave the back door open for Morgana."

With a grimace and flushed cheeks, Mordred swatted my hand away and tried to fix his hair giving me dirty looks from across the table. "What if she doesn't though? What if I could have helped you?"

I shrug, "Then we played it safe, no harm in that."

Mordred just slouched in his chair and gave me dirty looks for a few minutes. I took the chance to eat some of the bean and pork pies I'd stolen from the kitchen on my way over; not the best, but better than nothing, and definitely better than Gaius' cooking.

"You're just making sure I don't feel bad about being left behind." Mordred accused, snatching the other pie and digging in.

"Perhaps," I wasn't ready to admit to him that I just wanted him somewhere relatively safe while I had to watch Arthur. I was going to have to get over that sooner or later. A knight like Mordred was never going to enjoy being left behind. No matter how well I argued it was just strategy. 

* * *

 

A heavy air of depression hung over our party, the loss of Elyan was a keen pain felt by all of us. I felt like each of us were in some way blaming ourselves; I knew I was. The worst part was Gwaine, sure he talked, but even then he was softer than usual, restrained in a sense. It felt as if he spoke more out of habit and just to fill the air with something beyond the sound of hooves and breathing. I don't know what he was trying to do, but somehow it just kept reminding me that things had turned out badly.

Part of me kept thinking that maybe _, just maybe,_  if they'd known about my magic. If I could have used my magic openly. If only I'd  _tried_. Maybe, just maybe, I could have broken the enchantment. Maybe no one would have had to die to save Gwen.

But no one  _knew_ , no one  _could know_. I couldn't have used magic so openly, and I couldn't even try to undo such an enchantment. At least, not  _yet_.

Between depressing thoughts and humouring Gwaine, I kept reaching, kept trying to make contact with Mordred. I knew I wouldn't reach the boy, I couldn't even sense him. It still didn't stop me from trying. It didn't stop me from longing for the comfort that Mordred brought.

It was finally early morning, still a good day and a half of riding from Camelot, when I felt Mordred. He was reaching too. It was just a brush, we were still too far to speak, but I could feel him.

He was worried for me;  _for all of us_.

I closed my eyes, letting myself enjoy the feeling of Mordred silently brushing my mind with his, it was the most sublime comfort I'd ever known. Taking a deep breath I let go of my guilt for a moment and tried to reassure Modred through feelings along.

" _Stay in Camelot, I'm safe, Arthur is safe, Gwen is safe, I'll see you soon._ " I knew Mordred wouldn't hear the words, not at this vast distance, but I still thought them.

Mordred kept reaching for me throughout the day, and I to him. More to avoid depressing thoughts on my part though, and to distract myself from the gloom of my travelling companions. I felt guilty, enjoying the comfort I found in Mordred's presence brushing my mind, but I couldn't push him away though, so I push aside the guilt instead.

We set up camp late, for the past few hours I'd heard a murmur of barely there words like sounds from Mordred, as I searched for wood those slight murmurs became actual words.

" _Merlin? How far are you? Can you hear me yet? Merlin, Merlin I miss you. You're safe, right? What about Arthur and Gwen? They're okay, aren't they? Merlin-_ "

I cut off the druid then. " _Yes Mordred, I can hear you now_." I was almost knocked off my feet by the rush of glee and relief Mordred felt. Laughing to myself I continued. " _We're still a half day's ride at least, but I'll be back soon, I missed you too. Arthur and Gwen are fine. I'm just collecting firewood, I'll have to see if I can find a place around camp close enough to keep this up_."

I refused to bring up Elyan yet, out of all of the knights Mordred seemed to get along with Elyan best. I knew it was selfish of me but I didn't want to be the one to tell Mordred, at least, not yet. The connection weakened as I made a simple stew, Mordred words dimming back down to a quiet hum at the back of my mind.

As soon as I could I took my food and threw myself to the far side of the camp, barely inside the clearing just to hear Mordred better. The knights gave me strange looks but said nothing and left me alone as they ate.

" _Okay okay, I can hear you, what were you saying?_ "

 

* * *

 

 _"Why?_ " Mordred's voice rang within my head, a mix of different types of pain; loss with a hint of betrayal. " _Why didn't you tell me_?"

He like so many others had their eyes locked on the covered and bound body of Elyan tied to his own horse. The return of the Queen should have been a happy affair, now the whole event was clouded over with the loss of the knight and the Queen's brother. The castle courtyard had been cheering at first, everyone that saw the King and Queen broke out into cheers only to have those happy sounds quickly die in their throats and on their tongues. It made the grim silence seem all the louder for the cheers that had just died. The whole courtyard was filled with nothing but the dimmest of hurt murmurs and the echoing of horse hooves on stone.

I gave Mordred the only answer I had: " _I just couldn't._ "

Even now I wasn't sure if I couldn't tell Mordred out of selfishness, or some misguided attempt to spare him. I did know that I had wanted to avoid the loss in that forest, not share that pain with Mordred. Maybe that was why I hadn't said anything? It didn't matter now though, I kept it from Mordred and now he knew. He was going to know sooner or later so why hadn't I been able to tell him?

It wasn't long before what seemed like half of Camelot was gathered to pay their final respects and farewells to Elyan.

Mordred and I kept a steady connection of silence the whole time. Neither saying a thing just existing on the edges of each other's mind, there for each other, silently offering what little comfort we could.

That night I slipped into Mordred's chambers. Lately, I felt like I spent more time here than I did in my own, I'd even taken over of few of Mordred's shelves and drawers for my own clothes and meagre belongings.

Tonight he pulled me to the bed, curling around each other I confessed my own failings to save Elyan. Mordred didn't bother telling me it wasn't my fault, part of me knew that. The logical part, the small quiet logical part had long accepted that I had nothing to do with Elyan's death, that I couldn't have changed things without dooming myself.

" _Someone was going to die._ " Mordred silently told me. " _Morgana was willing to bet that would have been Arthur though._ "

I tightened my arms around Mordred, burying my face in his chest. "I still don't like it. I'm  _Emrys_ , how can I save Arthur if I can't even-"

" _Your job is_ Arthur _, not his_ knights _. From now on, leave protecting the knights to_ me." Mordred cut me off, one arm around me the other playing with my hair.

I sighed into the embrace. Part of me, a small barely even there part that didn't even matter, still had a hard time trusting Mordred not just because of the prophecy. Mostly I had trouble trusting because I just didn't trust others. The last time I was even somewhat open with magic was Lancelot, that still hurt too much to think about. Mostly though I felt relief at the idea. Watching over Arthur himself was a handful, each knight was just more work than I could manage. 

" _You said you're not Emrys_ ," Mordred reminded me. " _Well, how can you expect Merlin to do the work of Emrys alone._ "

I had to laugh at Mordred turning my own words against even though it came out sounding pained and just on the edge of hysterics. "Cocky little shit." I joked cuddling my druid closer.


	11. Do You Suspect As I Do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I highly suggest rewatching Season 5 episode 7: A Lesson in Vengeance when reading this chapter.

It had been nearly a week since Elyan's death and another morning came, and once again I carefully slipped from Mordred's bed, once more I dressed silently using magic to summon my clothes from the dark. Before leaving I turned to the bed, meaning to give Mordred a goodbye kiss only to find the druid awake and watching me.

Intense, hooded, pale blue eyes stared up at me, watched me set over a small pleased smile. " _I love watching you do magic._ "

" _Goodbye Mordred_ ," I smiled leaning down to stealing a kiss.

On my way out I stopped long enough to check through a crack in the door that no one was on the other side. I  _really_  didn't want to run into Gwaine again. Good a friend he may be but a man can only take so much teasing first thing in the morning.

 

* * *

 

Leaving Arthur and Gwen's chambers, and the Royal couple to their dinner I set off to find Mordred before I had to join Gaius for dinner. The druid was impossible to  _not_  find. I cornered him in one of the many less used hallways of Camelot's castle, as expected Mordred was waiting. Leaning against a wall next to a small alcove in the wall, half hidden in the shadows between two well-spaced torches. He looks beautiful. Dark, mysterious, brooding, with a bored expression as he waits. Underneath though I can tell Mordred is excited, his fingers drum on one arm where he has them crossed over his chest, one heel tapping, he's making a serious effort to look calm and mature. I can see though, the moment he realises how close I am he looks up, a smile transforming his whole face. It's like watching the sun break through heavy clouds and it takes my breath away. 

It's criminal that someone should look so good in such poor torchlight.

It didn't take long for me to explain everything that had happened. From my conversation with Tyr to talking with our King and Queen. Speaking mind to mind meant even if someone happened to walk by they would hear nothing. As my story unfolded Mordred kept a bland contemplative expression but telling Mordred how Gwen had convinced Arthur to wait gave the druid pause.

" _Why?_ " He asked mind-to-mind, brow furrowed.

I shrugged, moving to lean against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest. " _She thinks he might be more willing to speak after a night in a cell._ "

" _He sleeps in the stables; even in winter."_ Mordred began. I could see the thoughts turning over in his mind behind his eyes. " _I don't think a night in the cells is that likely to loosen Tyr's lips. If fear has shut them, discomfort won't loosen them._ "

I found myself unable to argue, I had thought the same myself. " _I feel like you're about to suggest something._ "

Mordred's teeth worried at his bottom lip. " _It's just a thought really,_ " he confessed softly. " _Gwen was alone with Morgana for some time. Don't you feel she's been a bit. . . odd lately? I know she's lost her brother, but she's. . . ._ "

Reaching out I took Mordred's hands in mine. "- _She's distant. She has been less open with me, even with Arthur._ " I allowed, sighing, both relieved and worried that someone else shared my same suspicions. Though I would have much prefered it if it turned out to just be all in my head. I caught sight of the steadily darkening sky. "I _should go before it gets too much darker. Who knows, maybe Gaius has some ideas._ "

With the quickest of kisses, I left Mordred to go pick Gaius' brain.

 

 

 

* * *

 

I watched Arthur talk with Gwaine, a bone-deep worry settling over me. What with Tyr's death, Gwen acting so strange, and now the attack. . . . All of the pieces had to add up somehow. It was all connected, everything fit together, I knew it did, there was just one piece missing. Some key clue that connected everything that I was missing. All I had to do was find it. At Arthur's request to search the woods I just hoped I could find a clue as too that missing puzzle piece.

Waiting I watched as Arthur and Gaius left before moving.

"I don't think this is over," I warned Gwaine, dropping to sit beside the Knight.

Gwaine levelled me with a confused and worried look."What do you mean?"

"Well," I began, needing to warn someone else before I left, I had no clue what I might find in the woods. Part of me suspected Morgana or someone working for or with her. There was a good chance I could stumble right into a trap. "whoever's responsible for the attack on Arthur's life; what's to stop them from trying again?"

"They won't have a chance, the citadel's of full alert," Gwaine replied, his voice sure and even. Even so, I could see him turning over my words in the back of his head. "Every entrance, every exit, is being watched. Trust me Arthur's safe as long as he remains in Camelot."

"That's just it, what if he's not safe here? What if Camelot is the most dangerous place that he could be?" It was I thought I'd been turning over since Tyr's death, a worry fluttering like a moth in the back of my head. "Who could have access to the stables? Who could have known the layout to the cells? Who knew the Tyr would do anything to protect his mother? You need to stay close to Arthur and do anything you have to protect him."

"You have my word, Merlin." It felt like Gwaine promised more to ease my mind, but from the way he studied the wall, I knew he was taking my words seriously.

Glancing up I saw Mordred standing in the doorway, sword and armour on.

" _I'm coming with you._ " Even several years younger the druid's tone left no room for argument on the matter.

Something told me I was going to need all the help I could get. 

I gave Mordred a small smile. " _Good,_ "

 

* * *

 

" _You're going to end up looking old with how much you're frowning._ " Mordred's voice rang out in my mind.

Without thinking I looked up, to my left and down the connecting hall, Mordred stood talking with another of the knights, a newer one only a year or so older than Mordred himself. The druid's eyes though were on me. Watching me over his companion's shoulder as the knight chatter on seemingly oblivious to Mordred's distraction.

" _I'm not frowning._ " I shot back, hefting the basket of the King's laundry higher to rest some of the weight on my hip.

" _You're frowning._ "

" _I'm thinking._ " I kept walking, catching Mordred's smirk as he disappeared around the corner.

" _Is there a difference in your world?_ "

I had to bit my lip to keep from smirking myself. Such a cocky little shit. " _You're a cocky little shit Mordred. Goodbye._ "

I made my way to a kitchen and through it to the laundry room on the back where I began haphazardly dumping Arthur's clothes in the water and trying to figure out where the scrape of fabric we'd found in the forest had come from. It was endly frustrating because I just  _knew_ I'd seen something the same or at least similar before. But where?

Trying to nick a dumpling only saw me smacked with the kitchen mistress' spoon.

With a pout, I grabbed up the rest of Arthur's clothes when silver caught my eye. A grey gown with fancy expensive trim, I didn't even really need to check. " ** _MORDRED!_** " I pulled the torn bit found in the forest from my pocket. " _Mordred get to the King NOW!_ "

Cursing under my breath I was already running, carelessly dropped the King's clothes and stuffed the evidence in my pocket.

Within moments Mordred's voice filled my mind. " _Light something on fire, I told the King I saw smoke in the castle._ "

Fire? I could work with fire. Skidding to a halt I look around, the castle hall was empty, the coast was clear so with golden eyes I set ever drape, door, tapestry, table, and chair insight a flame. If it wasn't stone, it was burning. I also unintentionally surrounded myself with fire. Throwing one arm across my face I blindly broke back into a run shouting about a fire.

Soon the castle was full of panic.

 

* * *

 

It was hours later, myself, Mordred, Leon, several on-duty knights, King Arthur, and Queen Guinevere stood around the King and Queen's personal dining chamber. The royal dinner sat cold, abandoned, and mostly forgotten on the table.

As the King lectured the Knights I stood to one side and did my very best not to cough up a lung.

" _Well, this could have gone better._ " Mordred's voice filled my mind as he shot me a sympathetic look while I coughed. " _When I suggested you start a fire I didn't mean for you to stand in the_ middle  _of said fire._ "

" _Yeah well, I wasn't really thinking._ " I shot back.

" _I noticed._ " came Mordred dry reply. It was mildly impressive watching Mordred talk to both me and explain how he noticed to the 'Fire' to The King without even a hint of distraction. " _And you're supposed to be the most powerful warlock to walk the earth. Well, I suppose the prophecy_ didn't  _mention intelligence after all._ "

"After smelling and then seeing the smoke the first place I came was to you my King, your safety is my first concern, after all, Sire" Mordred was saying, his eyes on Arthur but he looked to me every time I coughed.

" _Ouch! I thought you loved me._ " I teased Mordred, which brought the slightest of blushes to the young Knight's cheeks.

The King nodded before turning to me. "And you Merlin? How did you end up in the middle of all that?"

My hand strayed to the bandages over my burnt arm. In the end, both arms - _left was worst-_  my left shoulder, most of my back, and much of my left side had been burnt, my shoulder and upper left arm were the worst off. "I was coming back, realised I forgot some of your," I had to stop to cough. "Your clothes to wash. I was heading back when I saw a drape on fire." I rasped doing my best not to cough. "It was small, set down the clothes, pulled down the drape when I looked up." I coughed again, Leon came forward to offer me some water which I drank thankfully, giving the knight a grateful smile. "When I looked up everything that could burn was burning. So I ran."

Looking old and tired beyond his years Arthur dismissed all but myself, Mordred, and Leon, before he took a seat. "Leon I want you to investigate what started the fire, Merlin, you are dismissed from du-  _Stop it!_ Don't look at me like that! You're half burnt and can  _hardly breathe_! You are dismissed from your duties until Gaius says otherwise." At this Arthur turned to Mordred, a slight smile lifting one corner of his mouth. "You Mordred are on Merlin watch until further notice, is that clear?"

Leon was looking decidedly amused, even Arthur. . . Then it hit me:  **Gwaine.**  My face lit up bright red, even Mordred had a slight blush under the soot and ash on his face.

" _Think they know?"_ Mordred asked me as he bowed before the King.

" _Oh, they know!_ "

"Perfectly clear," Mordred spoke shyly, bowing to the King.

Arthur nodded picking up a goblet off the table. "Very good, now I'm going to salvage what I can of dinner. I suggest you all do the same and get some rest, especially you Merlin." With that Arthur threw back his head and drank deeply.

Just beside him, the Queen went stiff, and within moments Arthur had passed out.

"ARTHUR!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! This chapter (and the next few as well) were more chapters that gave me a hard time the first time around. They just took forever! It was really hard to write this, it was only barely better this time bringing my work over because a lot of it felt like I was just writing extra scenes for the show and that really wasn't what I wanted to be writing. It still isn't but I need to get plot in here somehow. After a long time, a lot of writing and rewriting, and now revisiting and even more reworking I have ended up with this. At least I can say I actually like them now.


	12. Calm Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of fluff and some plot because soft Mordred is soft af and I love writing about people being soft and fluffy and just lazing around as they cuddle.

Morning came much too early.

Groaning with slight annoyance I rolled over to my left, one arm lifting to reach for the warm body of Mordred I knew should be there as I had every morning after spending the night with him. The second I did roll over my side exploded with sharp, white-hot, pain.

Right. Burns.

" _Merlin?"_ Mordred's voice in my head was worried, concern ser chasing away any hint of sleep. 

I opened my eyes to the pale morning light and Mordred's concerned face as he carefully helped me roll over onto my right side. Facing away from Mordred and into the room, not my favourite position but at least it didn't hurt.

"Morning," I managed to speak through gritted teeth, glaring at the wall and armour rack.

"Morning," Mordred replied, his voice croaky with sleep. I could feel him shifting and moving around behind me, probably moving to lay back down, probably watching me. "How do you feel?"

I didn't have to think much about that one. "Overcooked and paranoid." I deadpanned, not excited about the outcome of last nights events. The sun had to be still rising, normally I'd have to leave soon, but in light of my injuries, I'd been temporarily freed of my duties. Sure, a break sounded great, wonderful even. But this also meant that if Arthur left the castle on some stupid quest there was no way I'd be able to talk him into letting me follow.

Not to mention the poisoning attempt.

At some point, someone - _and I strongly suspected the Queen_ \- had slipped something in Arthur's drink with his dinner. It had merely knocked him out, but it meant that someone was planning something much worst. Given the commotion with the fire, it was assumed by the knights that the would-be poisoner had set the fire as a distraction so as to slip the King something. What no one but Mordred and I knew though was that I had set the fire, we also knew about the bit of the Queen's dress found in the forest.

All of this was beginning to point to Queen Guinevere, not a pleasant thought as I still considered her a close and dear friend. There must be some sort of control or influence Morgana held over Gwen that made her act in such ways. After everything that had happened the night before I'd told Mordred all I had found, all I'd suspected. What followed was a long debate with Mordred that went late into the night. In the end, we both agreed Morgana had to somehow be behind Gwen's change in character; it was the only answer that made any sense to either of us.

" _Your thinking is keeping me up,_ " In my mind, Mordred grumbled but I got the feeling he was smiling. He did that a lot.

" _Then don't listen._ " It was strange, early in the mornings when Mordred was still half asleep he often picked up bits of whatever I thought about. From how he explained it he didn't get words, more like stray thoughts and feelings. Even more strange: I didn't mind.

I shifted to study the ceiling, trying to clear my mind so I didn't wake Mordred up any more than I already had. After last night he deserved to sleep in. Eyeing the now familiar sight of Mordred's ceiling gave me a strange feeling, it was more familiar than my own after all the nights spent here. Though for all the nights we'd spent together we'd never gone further than fleeting touch and passionate kisses; I never allowed it to go further. Often much to Mordred's displeasure, annoyance, and frustration. He wanted more, I kept refusing, and he pouted instead of pursuing the matter. Probably worried I'd leave if he pressed too much.

Looking at the table I saw my own book of healing herbs still lay open among the scattered pages of notes from the day before. All around the plain room with its sacred table and chairs, armor and weapon racks, the bookshelf - _now home to Mordred's plants, and trinkets, and a collection of my own books_ \- the chest of drawers - _now home to both Mordred's clothes and some of my own_ \- the old iron stove that sat under the window with its shutters drawn and locked. Somehow it felt less like Mordred's room and more like _our_ room.

Behind me I felt Mordred shift again before his warm hand touched an unburnt part of my back and right shoulder. " _Now there's a_ very  _pleasant thought._ " Gently his other hand began combing through my hair and lips were pressed to joint of my neck and shoulder.

" _Your room is closer to the kitchen,_ " I began, " _saves me a few moments of precious sleep in the morning._ "

" _Of course,_ " Mordred kissed my shoulder before sitting up. " _So what's today's plan?_ "

Around each other we'd fallen into a habit of speaking almost entirely- _at least I had_ _, for Mordred only ever addressed me aloud around others, and sometimes not even then_ \- through our minds.

" _Well I have the day off, so sleeping in for starters._ "

" _I like that plan._ " Mordred yawned before laying back down.

I rolled onto my stomach so I could turn my head and watch him, folding my good arm to rest my chin on. " _We should hang around, watch the knight's training later._ "

Mordred lay curled up on his side facing me, his right arm and left hand tucked under his head, he cracked one eye open to look at me. " _Did you want to gloat or ogle Gwaine?_ "

"Oh, both of course! What's the point of good fortune if others don't know?" Mordred smirked at that, laughing lightly. "Besides what do you care? You're on 'Merlin Watch'."

" _A terrible fate, truly._ " The druid joked, shifting about and yawning.

I couldn't keep the smile from my face. " _You should get some more sleep._ "

" _I am_ not  _a child Merlin. Besides, you're the injured one._ "

" _Never said you were Mordred._ " I rolled my eyes. " _I'm not going anywhere._ "

Grumbling Mordred laid a hand on the small of my back as he closed his own eyes. Within moments the druid was asleep again. 

 

* * *

 

Hours later Mordred and I finally dragged ourselves away from each other, and our bed, and down to the training grounds. Mordred hovered around me like a nervous mother doting on her sick child; it was as embarrassing as it was cute. 

Sweating in the sun the Knights of Camelot trained. Leon was putting Gwaine and Percival through complex drills, along with several other Knights. Arthur was even training and looking sour as he trained with the newest knights. The King was putting the new recruits through their paces, even I could tell that half of them were rubbish. It would take a lot of sweat, blood, and long hours of training for the newer recruits to become even passable knights, even then I was sure some of them would drop out of training within the fortnight.

"I believe I told you to rest!" Arthur shouted the moment he noticed me.

The reaction was instantaneous: Gwaine and Percy dropped their swords along with every other Knight I'd ever talked to. They all came running Gwaine and Percy the only ones energetic enough to swing under or hop over the training yard fence. Leon and many of the senior Knights acted with more restraint, setting aside their blades properly before coming up to greet me. Those who didn't know took the opportunity to have a break while their teachers were distracted. Not the best idea when Arthur caught them, but I couldn't really blame them for wanting a break. From the way one blond was looking at his hands, I would bet good money most of them were spoiled sons of noblemen who weren't used to serious hard work.

I didn't have much time to take further stock of the new faces though as Gwaine was swinging under the fence and Percy was bodily throwing himself over it both of them reaching me at the same time. Gwaine pulled me into a crushing hug, at my shout of pain as he grabbed my burned arm he dropped me. Percy showed some level of restraint as he patted my back. Lucky for me none of the other knights tried to hug me after Gwaine.

It took a sometimes, answering every question thrown my way and assuring everyone for the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 23rd times that ' _Yes, I am in fact fine thank you for asking!_ ' Eventually, Leon sent most of the knights back to training, soon joining them himself.

After a few more moments only Mordred, Gwaine, Arthur, and I were left.

Arthur looked at Gwaine like he wanted to tell him that he should be training but for some reason, the King didn't. Probably because Gwaine wouldn't have listened anyways as he was much too busy telling Mordred and me all about how Percy had disarmed one of the younger knights earlier on. It was cute how proud of Percy Gwaine sounded. Apparently, the blade was sent flying in such a way that it got stuck in the fence and it had taken the combined effort of Percy and Leon to pull it free of the fence. A real feat as the knights was just using blunt training swords.

"Oh man! You guys really missed it! It was amazing!" Gwaine was saying, for a swordsman the man made a great storyteller. "I mean, we all  _know_  the Percy's the strongest but really! A blunt sword, halfway through the fence too no less and he wasn't even trying!"

Back with the other knights Percy was turning bright red, blushing all the way to his ears as a few of the other knights even teased him. Leon was trying to get everyone's attention back on their drills with mixed results. From the look of things though, Leon wasn't trying as hard as he could and the smile he wore was really undermining his own threats.

Mordred was laughing, listening both to Gwaine's story and Leon's instruction. Even when he had free time it seemed Mordred would have considered Melee practice a fun pastime with the attention he gave the drilling knights. I wasn't the only one to notice either, Arthur was shaking his head at Mordred. Looking at me Arthur rolled his eyes nodding to his young knight, we shared a smile at Mordred's expense behind his back. As Gwaine started up another story about two knights I only knew in passing Arthur caught my eye nodded his head towards the armoury. With a sigh, I straighten up and followed my King.

Behind me, I heard the half-second pause in Gwaine's story as he noticed us leaving. Mordred was much more obvious.

' _Merlin?_ ' His voice sounded in my head, not quite worried but questioning, curious.

' _No idea what he wants, but I'm sure you'll drag it out of me later._ ' I thought back, ' _I'll be with Arthur, don't worry._ '

Somehow I just  _knew_  Mordred was rolling his eyes, ' _If anything you being with Arthur gives me more reason to worry not less. He might have gotten it in his head that just the two of you should go on some quest to some mysterious something or other for answers. It wouldn't be a first._ '

Coughing to hide my laugh I entered the armoury after Arthur. ' _You make a good point, if Arthur wants to go on a quest I'll make sure we take Gwaine or Percy how's that?_ '

' _Take Leon, then I'll know there's at least one brain among the three of you.'_

 

 

* * *

 

I closed the armoury door after myself, leaning casually as I could on my less burnt side and waited. Arthur wanted to talk about something though I had very little idea what I could guess though; the fire came to mind easily. There was also the small matter of poison in Arthur's drink as well. The new laws that he was working on. I supposed he could even want to talk about my injuries as well though that seemed the least likely.

Whatever it was I knew Arthur would get around to it sooner rather than later, he was never the most patient man and I just didn't feel like trying to drag it out of him before the King was good and ready. No matter what I'd been telling Mordred and the knights my back hurt, my lungs still burned through only dully, my whole left side though was just a mess of pain. It hurt so much I'd even forgone my usual jacket, even it's slight weight irritated my burns. I'd even been tempted to ditch my shirt but that would just be too improper.

Beginning to daydream about returning to Mordred's chambers and removing the irritating shirt I jumped slightly when Arthur's voice finally broke the silence of the Armory.

"There's a traitor in our midst." Arthur's voice was cool and controlled, he spoke as if stating the great hall held so many tables.

Even if the King seemed calm I knew Arthur better than that though. He was worried about something. Glancing at his hands I saw his elbows resting on his knees, his fingers hanging and laced together so tightly his knuckles were going white.

At last Arthur got to the point; "Until he or she is found you're not to walk around the castle alone."

Surprised I looked at my King, " _Why?"_ I asked, racking my brain I tried to come up with a reason for Arthur's decision, the only reason I could think of was my injury.

"Because I am your King!" Arthur snapped back angrily, I could see the tension as he flexed his laced together hands. "You are my servant and you shall do as you are commanded."

Shrugging off the wall I stared down at Arthur where he sat on one of the Armory's many benches. "Very. Well. My. King." I hissed out each word. There was a reason for Arthur's new command, probably misplaced worry for my safety. It just pissed me off. Bitterly I turned fully intending to leave when Arthur's voice stopped me.

"Merlin  _please_ ," he sighed sounding suddenly tired. "I need you to listen to me on this, please Merlin, just  _listen_  to me."

Turning back I crossed my arms, then immediately uncrossed them as it irritated my burns. "Explain."

Groaning Arthur ran his hands through his hair, "I can't."

"Try."

Another groan, this one even more dramatic than the first. One hand still in his hair Arthur looked at me. He sighed scrubbed his face with both hands and then waved to the seat across from him.

Pouting I sat. I also would have crossed my arms again but that would be a horrible and painful idea so I settled for crossing one knee over the other instead and looking very impatient. Arthur just rolled his eyes at me and tried not to smile.

"It's been proposed that the poison was added before the fire, that is wasn't supposed to be as a distraction, that the fire was just an accident." Arthur began not looking directly at me. "Many of the council then began debating that if that  _were_  the case who could have done so. Who had access to my horse, tack, food. . . ." purposefully Arthur trailed off.

Pieces fell into place. "And my name came up." With a sigh, I shook my head, taking in a deep breath of the armour air. The stench of armour polish, sweat, and a tang of something metallic, when did such a scent become familiar to me? I pushed the thought aside looking up at Arthur, "That's it isn't? They're starting to suspect that I'm involved aren't they?"

With an exhausted sigh, Arthur nodded. Suddenly, furiously, Arthur slammed one fist against the bench he sat upon. "How can they even think _ **you**_  of all people might be involved? It's ridiculous! I've told them as much too but. . ." Arthur was scowling and snarling now. Whatever the council members had been saying had royally pissed Arthur off.

' _Mordred, come here,_ ' I called silently as I nodded my understanding and stood up.

Mordred didn't answer, he didn't have to though I knew he'd do as I asked of him without question. The boy probably had entirely too much faith in me.

"Where are you going?" Arthur demanded sounding very perplex and I opened the armoury door.

"Waving for Mordred to come," I answered calmly. "If they actually think I'm trying to kill you we shouldn't be alone anymore."

Outside Mordred had already parted company with the other knights, somehow he must have gotten dragged into training, that or he'd just decided to join the knights himself, it was Mordred, he seemed to actually enjoy training. The boy  _had_ to be crazy.

Holding the door open with one hand I turned back to Arthur, he looked a bit confused, but he also had a look in his eye, as if confirming something he'd suspected for a while. "I thought you didn't trust Mordred," He said obviously trying to get something but I wasn't sure what.

Nodding I scolded myself because of course, that would be a red flag, I should have gone for Gwaine or Leon! Leon would have been the best choice. Instead, I shrugged, "He's growing on me." I offered even though we both knew it was weak. What could I say though? We both have magic, he has a crush on me, and I might even- ** _nope_**. I shut that trail of thinking right down.

Lucky Mordred popped his head it before Arthur could question me any further.

After a brief explanation, Mordred was fuming.

The young knight then went on a very long, very aggressive rant detailing all of my shining qualities and verbally tore down each member of the council. He knew a surprising amount of court gossip. I suspected Gwaine but quite a few knights could be rather gossipy after training. The whole time I silently tried to plead with Mordred, asking - _almost begging him_ \- to calm down and shut up. Arthur, on the other hand, agreed with almost every point Mordred made. They eventually decided that the whole council was full of useless idiots and that while I could do better as a servant I was a true and brave man even if I had a habit of stupidly charging into places I shouldn't.

It was embarrassing.

"It can't just be me all the time." Mordred was saying, we'd finally gotten off the topic and moved onto important things. Like how to keep my good name clear.

"Yes I figured as much as well," Arthur nodded, both him and Mordred pacing the armoury as I sat and watched. "My first thought was Gwaine but no, the council hates him, they'd say the two of them were working together."

"Percy, maybe Leon?" Mordred suggested. "The council loves them, even if Percy is common born."

Arthur snapped excitedly, "Perfect! Plus Leon's been a knight since before I was King if  _he_  doesn't see Merlin plotting against me they'll  _have_  to believe him!"

Sitting back I almost crossed my arms again before I remembered that it was a bad idea. I was thoroughly enjoying being talked about as if I wasn't there.

"Each of us should switch every day, that way no one misses too much training," Mordred said, "Meet Merlin inside of Gaius' chambers, don't let him leave our sight again until he's back in Gaius' chambers."

Trying not to pout like a child I spoke up, " _He_ is right here!"

Arthur just waved me off.

Annoyed I crossed my arms over my chest before hissing in pain and uncrossing them. By the time the three of us finally left the armoury the knight's had finished training. It was also agreed the Leon, Percy, Mordred, and another knight; Sir Gaheris, a younger handsome knight who gave Gwaine a run for his money when it came to great hair.

Grumbling I lead the way back to Mordred's chamber, not exactly keen to be passed off to Gaius so he could act like a mother hen over me. The only good thing would be my freedom from cleaning up after Arthur. A depressing thought as I was only free because the council thought I was going to try killing Arthur. Apparently, I'd have to find the traitor myself, and soon, all while under the watchful eye of three different knights and Mordred.

Just bloody perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LAST! Okay, so this story is now caught up with my first posting of it on Fanfics.net. Oh boy, it's actually been a lot of fun going through, rereading, and reposting it. Hopefully, I'll have another update (a totally new one) for both this story and my MerlinxGwaine fic 'If I Had A Heart I could Love You' sometime this week.


	13. Burns and Burning Lust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long! The real world has been kicking my butt all over the place! But thank you all for waiting, hope you like it

Enroute to Mordred’s chamber the druid turned knight made sure we stopped by the kitchens so he could grab us some food. Neither of us had really eaten yet and it was getting close to dinner time. I don’t know how Mordred did it but he actually got two decent plates from the kitchens and the ever grumpy head cook.

When I asked how the infuriating druid managed such a feat he just smiled and shrugged. He must of he used magic.

He didn’t use magic.

I had to learn his trick.

The closer we drew to Mordred’s chamber the more subdued he became. Over the past while we’d developed our own easy back and forth of teasing with small harmless barbs that neither of us meant. . . . anymore. It was easy, simple, comforting. Now, entering Mordred’s chamber with the Druid turned Knight things felt a bit tense, uneasy, unsure, something was on Mordred’s mind and for whatever reason he was keeping it to himself.

The second Mordred’s door closed behind us I carefully pulled off my jacket and shirt, sighing in relief when the rough material no longer irritated my various burns. Blushing Mordred looked quickly away as if he didn’t take every chance to pull my shirt off himself.

With a furrowed brow I watched Mordred move about, keeping himself busy as he set down our food on his table and begin picking up the books I’d left on the table. He went about cleaning, putting the books away, throwing discarded clothes on top of his dresser before going to his small cooking area where Mordred grabbed two mugs. He filled them both with the barley water from the pitcher we’d gotten with our food. Watching him closely I sat at the table, waiting for Mordred to join me.

He was uncharacteristically subdued the whole time, normally Mordred found something to say, some comment to make. Either excited or nervous, Mordred always seemed to have something to say around this time of day.

I was starting to get a bit worried.

When at last Mordred came and joined me at the table I watched him, head tilted slightly to one side I reached out, “ _Mordred,_ ” I tried softly speaking mind to mind, “ _you’re awfully quiet, what’s wrong?_ ”

Shaking his head Mordred didn’t meet my eyes as he picked up his fork and knife.

“ _I’m worried_ ,” I tried again, watching his shoulders hunch slightly.

“ _It’s nothing,_ ” he replied silently, cutting into a baked potato.

Frowning I sighed, poking at my own food with my fork, “I don’t believe that for a second,” I told him just a bit hurt but I decided to try waiting Mordred out. A bit hopeful that he’d open up with some time. Silently we both ate, it was different for us, Mordred usually had one hundred and one things he wanted to tell me about. Even if he hadn’t been going through his usually Knightly duties during the day it hadn’t exactly been a lazy one. But he had nothing to say, no comment to make; not even about the food.

Long moments past in near complete silence, the sound of cutlery on plates and the two of us eating were the only sounds between us. Outside of Mordred’s chamber, I heard a pair of knight pass by, talking together in low voices but that was about it. Across from me, Mordred reminded quietly with a false calm I could see right through. Nervous energy rolled off the druid as if some small storm were slowly gathering over his shoulders, the longer we ate, the worse he seemed to get.

It wasn’t until Mordred and I had almost completely finished eating that he finally looked at me. “A-are you going back tonight?” He asked out loud nervously, looking up and quickly back to his plate.

Surprised I froze for half a second, “Do you want me to?” I asked curiously, wondering just what Mordred was getting at, “I’d been planning, should I?”

“ **NO!** ” Mordred said a bit too quickly, head snapping up to look at me with wide eyes, blushing brightly before he dropped his gaze again. “No. . . . you can stay. . . . if you _want_ to that is. . . .” Mordred continued, trailing off, his voice soft and quiet.

Surprised by Mordred’s outburst I studied the boy. He was clearly thinking about something, was he worried we wouldn’t be able to see each other as often? It seemed the most likely cause. Honestly, I had to have been spending at least half my nights in Mordred’s chambers though I’d only been caught leaving them once by Gwaine.

“ _Talk to me_ ,” I tried mind to mind gently, trying to coax Mordred.

He looked up through his lashes before dropping his gaze back to his almost empty plate, “ _You’ll call me a child,_ ” he replied pouting slightly.

Wasn’t that just ironic? Mordred, not wanting to be called a child even as he pouted like one. I cursed myself for thinking he looked cute as he dropped his pale blue gaze to his picked at the plate.

Reaching across the table I took one of Mordred’s hands in mine, “ _I won’t,_ ” I promised sternly, his eyes snapping up to met mine and suddenly Mordred didn’t look so childish to me. Eyes of cool pale blue, like a cloudy sky under a serious brow, his mouth a tight nervous line from which few words ever seemed to escape.

Suddenly my druid knight looked as if a man far older than he was. And why should he not? Born with a fate like his hanging over his head Mordred was shunned by druids his whole life and chased from Camelot under threat of death. He’s been hated, feared, abandoned, and hunted like an animal. To survive Mordred had had to ally himself with all sorts of men just to stay alive.

I was ever the only one to look at him and see a child.

Arthur looked at Mordred and saw a boy forced to grow up much too fast.

“ _I won’t_ ,” I repeated.

With a sigh, Mordred tightened his grip on my hand, “ _What if you’re arrested and something happens?_ ” He asked I could tell that Mordred was trying to sound casual but his underline worries seeped into his tone.

Easily I fell into the habit of speaking mind to mind with Mordred. Easy, safe, and somehow it felt like neither of us could lie when communicating in such a way. “ _Honestly, the dungeons aren’t that hard to break out of_ ,” I said, they weren’t it was almost funny how easy it was.

“ _And if you’re found? Then you’re the traitor and put to death. But if you’re locked up and nothing happens? Then you’re still the traitor and put to death. If you’re in the dungeon and Morgana attacks; what then? What if-_ ”

“ _-Mordred_ ,” I cut off his worries, “ _I am merely under suspicion at the moment. What happens is that you and Gwaine try to find some proof the Gwen has been enchanted by Morgana while I keep my head down and my nose out of trouble. If Morgana attacks, I break out. If I’m locked up then you find a way to clear my name._ ” I replied trying to sooth Mordred and all his worries.

Slowly he nodded, looking down at his plate, pushing the last few scrapes around with the fork in his free hand. For several long moments, Mordred said nothing else. He was so quiet for so long I almost thought the matter done.

It wasn’t.

At last Mordred looked up, his face serious and worried.

“What if I fail?” Mordred asked in a voice that tore at my very heart.

I felt awful, I’d thought, actually thought, that Mordred was worried we wouldn’t be able to spend so much time together. But no, that hadn’t been it at all. The whole time he’d been worried about me, about what might happen, about all the worse case scenarios that I refused to entertain.

“ _Come here,_ ” I said gently, tugging lightly on Mordred’s hand.

He came, he always came when I asked him to. I pushed away from the table, turning in my seat so I could pull Mordred into my lap. “You won’t,” I told him firmly. I took his hands, lacing my fingers together with his. “I trust you, I believe in you,” I told Mordred firmly, and I realised that I did. Prophecy or not, visions be damned, I trusted Mordred; completely.

Mordred let out a soft shuddering breath and let his forehead fall lightly against mine, I could feel his magic humming under his skin. I felt the pent up energy in him so deeply it seemed like it was vibrating in my very bones.

“I trust you,” I repeated in his mind, pressing my lips to his.

Untangling our fingers Mordred’s hands wound around my neck and shoulders, he moved carefully, avoiding the burns on my back. My hands fell to his hips as he kissed me back desperately. “ _Promise me_ ,” he begged, impossibly young sounding in my mind, “ _promise me you’ll be okay_.”

Unable to break the kiss I promised against Mordred’s soft lips, “I promise,” it was an easy promise to make. One I intended to keep. “We’ll solve this Mordred, _together, I promise_ ,” my last words were spoken both aloud and echoed in our joined minds.

One of Mordred’s hands reached to tangled in the hair at the back of my head. I hissed into the kiss and Mordred took the chance to deepen the kiss. Hesitantly his tongue met mine; I encouraged with a moan I couldn’t hold back. Hands on his hips, my grip tightened and I feared I might bruise him.

With Mordred seated on my lap, I couldn’t help myself, my hips thrust up against him and ground against the younger man. He gasped and I took the chance to lick into Mordred’s mouth, quickly turning the table on the young druid.

It didn’t take very much for me to turn Mordred into a moaning mess. We had barely started and I could feel he was hard as an iron rod.

Holding him against me with his hips I kept thrusting against Mordred, I should stop, the thought was distant but there, for a second I lost my momentum and Mordred growled above me. The fucking brat even bit harshly at lips, “ _Don’t you dare stop!_ ” He thought aggressively and insistently. His own hips moving to meet mine roughly.

“Fuck,” I gasp against his lips, dropping my head to kiss along Mordred’s neck and under his jaw.

Above me he was a moaning mess, Mordred tipped his head back. So inexperienced, Mordred was all hands clinging and groping in turns, his nails digging in, hips moving messily to meet my own. Every now and then one of his hands would brush against a burn, I’d hiss in pain, Mordred would be all flustered apologies until I kissed him again. Slowly and carefully he found all the places he could touch me without causing me any pain.

At times Mordred was so sweet it hurt. This was one such time.

I clung to his hips, he never complained no matter how hard I gripped him. At times he almost seemed to prefer a near bruising grip on his hips. I lost myself in pale skin, rich dark hair, and burning kisses. My mind so hazy with lust all I could think of was Mordred with his soft pale flesh and round arse. It felt like I might die from needing him.

Slipping my hands under Mordred’s arse I tried to stand.

And promptly crashed back down under his weight.

The little shit laughed.

“So much for the strongest magic user to ever live,” Mordred mused, I could feel him hiding his smile against my neck.

With a bit of magic, my eyes going gold for a second, Mordred was lifted into the air and thrown across the room. He landed with a huff on the bed, ass in the air, fuming in indignation at the treatment.

This time I laughed at him, rushing to jump onto the bed after him.

I draped myself over his back, hands tangling with his, my clothed cock lining up so perfectly with his covered arse as I kissed his neck. I could feel the burnt skin across my back stretched so tight it felt like my back might rip open from the strain.

Beneath me Mordred panted, his back arching, he barely tried to break my hold on his wrists as he writhed below me. “ _Merlin, please_ ,” he moaned.

I couldn’t move away from him; even if the position was bordering on painful.

“ _Please what?_ ” I asked, smirking as I nuzzled against his neck.

The young druid answered not with his word but with an inexperienced thrust against my hips.

“ _We can’t,_ ” I asked, fighting to remember why I couldn’t just fuck Mordred into the mattress like I wanted to. The only reason that came to mind was my burnt back and side.

Not likely my answer Mordred whined.

I laughed, rolling off him onto my good side and smacked Mordred on the arse, “ _Oh don’t pout so much,_ ” I smirked at the look he gave me, half glower, half pout. “Come here,” I coaxed the young knight, pulling his lips to mine with a hand tangled in the hair at the back of his head.

As always Mordred came willingly.

Eventually, we stripped down to our small clothes and fell asleep exchanging lazy kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was both fun and frustrating to write! At first I wrote this as just smut and then it clicked "Oh wait, Merlin's still hurt!' so I had to go back and rewrite, well, everything!


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